At first I read "luscious blonde curls" instead of "ludicrous blonde curls" and I got confused because I know I didn't write this article.

"Indeed, despite the bonhomie, the songwriting collaborations, and public declarations to the opposite, Jon Bon Jovi is Bon Jovi." I almost stopped reading it right there. Jeezly.

"filling the silence with pre-cooked statements" is the best way of describing the way Jon does interviews ever.

"And Richie, always the man with the beautiful woman on his arm" Tico's women are always hotter

"presumably for those times when only a light, fruity Italian will provide adequate mid-performance refreshment." But Jon's right there.

"But no one's ever asked me what that song is about, so I've never felt the need to tell anyone." that's 'cause we just discuss it here