BON JOVI - WITH BEEF AND CHEESE

While the great unwashed were gorging themselves
on the West Country musical banquet of
Glastonbury, 80,000 people were happy with a Bon
Jovi cheeseburger in the urban comfort of Hyde
Park on Saturday night. For two decades, Bon Jovi
have set a very American dream of fast living and
hard loving to a pop-metal soundtrack finding
favour with those who value guitar brawn over
lyrical beauty.

Much of that guitar muscle came from the fingers
of Nicky Haslam lookalike Richie Sambora - a man
so tired of living in the sexy shadow of frontman
Jon Bon Jovi that he had resorted to desperate
measures. F**k Me! was crudely emblazoned across
his scrawny behind in an attempt to wrestle
attention away from the beefcake singer.

Jon Bon Jovi's glow-white grin and unnaturally
thick mane dominated the split screen above the
stage as he bounced through anthems such as You
Give Love A Bad Name.

A rolling cast of fans was ushered in and out of
lowered fenced platforms, giving lusty women the
chance to get their claws into their Jon's
drainpipe trousers. Thankfully, the huge stage -
black and chrome styling resembling a swanky
office façade - provided room for escape.

The air-punching crowd, many proudly sporting
earlier tour T-shirts, latched on to every
hook-heavy number. Everyday, from recent album
Bounce, Keep The Faith, Wanted Dead Or Alive,
It's My Life and, above all, Livin' On A Prayer
were greeted with fits of jumping joy and air
guitar. It wasn't until the warm summer evening
faded to twilight that Bon Jovi stepped outside
their own back catalogue. The hedonistic high
energy of I'll Sleep When I'm Dead mutated first
into the super-safe double of Dancing In The
Streets and Rocking All Over The World.
Experimental it wasn't.

"I'm looking for believers out there, can I get
an amen?" mocked Jon Bon Jovi in a preacher
voice. "I wanna help all those unfortunate ones
stuck up in Glastonbury," he added with an ironic
smile.

Little did he know that he had already helped
them immeasurably, just by performing more than
100 miles away.