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BON JOVI SUCKS
Published Monday, February 06, 2006 by Kevin | E-mail this post
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I hate to inform you (Cindy, Fritz, Mrs. Miller), but ever since the 1980's, Bon Jovi and his crew of flunkies have been giving music a bad name. I wasn't around for the early years of the feathered bangs and flamboyant dress, yet through the beauty of Comcast Digital Cable and ON DEMAND, I have been able to somewhat catch myself up. After only 15 minutes of skimming through videos laden with deserts, mountain ranges, and candle lit recording studios, my hatred for Bon Jovi was firmly cemented. Why, you ask. The answers are numerous.
1. Bon Jovi is a terrible songwriter. Fritz's Liver had more talent for words than he does. For example...
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
Bang a drum for the sinners
Bang a drum for the sins
Bang a drum for the losers
And those who win
Bang a drum, bang it loudly
and
Mother, mother
If I was your
Mother, mother
While these are just exerpts from the actuals songs, trust me when I say their origins are just as bad. As a blog writer, I research my topics before I write, so I actually download Have A Nice Day, If I Was Your Mother, among several others, so you could take my word for it.
2. He used a lyric from Shot Through the Heart in the title of one of his newer songs, You Give Love a Bad Name. I know after being around for so long, the creativity levels drop off, but sweet meat pies, thats terrible.
3. It's My Life and Have a Nice Day are essentially the eaxct same pop-driven, feel-good, bullshit song.
4. Bon Jovi's feathered bangs.
5. His obession with womens clothing.
6. His resemblence to Mrs. Matthews from Boy Meets World
7. He is from Jersey and has an album entitled New Jersey.
8. He owns the Philadelphia Soul
9. He more than likely cheats on his wife. And I quote...
"The way I look at it is you're only married within the state lines. There are 49 other states, we can have 49 other relationships."
10. He didn't die when his plane went off the runway a week or two ago.
12. He is an awful actor.
13. This terrible user comment album review on yahoo.com...
"All you people who say bon jovi sucks can kiss my ass. So what they dont have a grammy, either does Rod Stewart. It took Prince and Cher years to get theirs." - anonymous
...apparently what anonynouse doesnt know is that you should highlight better artists than the likes of Rod Stewart and Cher when defending Bon Jovi
... The only good things that come to mind when Bon Jovi is mentioned is a quote where he dumps on AC/DC and that fact that he turned down a role in Footloose. Yet, upon further review, the latter gave birth to the career of one Kevin Bacon.... so actually, add that as number 14 to the list above.
You suck Bon Jovi. You always have, and always will.
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