Open letter to the band (except that tyrant Jon)

Dear Richie, David, Tico and Hugh,

I'm writing to sympatise with your most horrible plight. I cant imagine what hell it is to work with that tyrant that goes by the name of Jon Bon Jovi. Personally I think you should get rid of him and you should all take turns fronting the band. Perhaps you could even rotate the name of the band as Jon has been selfish enough to inflict his name on you as a collective entity. It could be known as Sambora, Torres, McDonald and Rashbaum(no doubt Jon made you change your last name Dave, so use your original one). Richie you take Sundays and Wednesdays, Dave Mondays and Thursdays, Tico Friday and Saturdays and Hugh you have Tuesdays(and every second Monday).

Richie, Jon for years has held you back. Your two solo albums were tremendous and it's obvious that you contribute most to the band. Who was it that wrote most of the Keep The Faith album that kept Bon Jovi's head above water and who was it that wrote Always, the track that proved to the world that Bon Jovi would survive the grunge era as a commercial force? Jon continually holds you back and takes all the credit for the bands success. What a w@nker. And all that praise he gives you for the aforementioned solo albums and his constant lauding of your guitar playing skills. I dont know how you work with him.

And of course Jon is also solely responsible for "Open All Night" and "Thank You for Loving Me" and other such dross. I'm sure he just puts your name on the songwriting credits to give you more money, don't you just hate people like that. I wish he would just quit. It's not like you can leave the band either. Jon seems to have this hold over you where he can treat you like dirt and keep you in the band. Maybe you should grow the backbone that so many on Drycounty.com think you are missing. Failing that you could send Heather 'round to Jon's with her handbag and batter him into allowing you to quit. You could even sell the event on PPV, no doubt Heather would batter Jon, but then again we would all love to see him take a beating from your wife.

Dave and Tico, he's constantly put you two down. How dare he; remember when he said that Tico was the best drummer on the planet in the early 90's. Has he no shame? And David, how he always praises your work, how dare he. I couldnt blame you if you shot him upon reading this and realising what fools he has made out of you already. In fact shooting is too good for the b@$tard.

And Hugh, dear dear Hugh. Jon won't make you an official member of the band despite all the appeals you make to be accepted as the official bass player. I know he said repeatedly that he couldnt replace any of the original five members(in an interview with Mick Wall in 1990 and when Alec John Such left). Being true to your word and showing respect for the contribution of a former bandmate are horrible qualities in anyone arent they. And I'm sure he's paying you a wage that pales in comparison to what you could get for asking people if they "want fries with that". You should wedge that bass guitar up his ar$e. Maybe with the aformentioned item stuck firmly in said orifice Jon could hit those high notes instead of embarrassing himself and the four of you time and again on stage.

So guys please dispose of Jon. He's obviously holding you all back and is the least talented in the band. You would all excel without him.

Thank You,
Ron

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAH!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHHAHAHAHAHA!!!
That was some of the most funny crap I've read today, for sure it made me laugh my butt off, seriously! This will keep me in a good mood all day long...

opinions are just like asses: everybody has its own, and it stinks.

HA HA!
No doubt some Backstager will see this and throw a fit over at Backstage. (I am of course, only refering to the 'Jon is a God' type Backstagers, and not some of the ones who post here )

Ermmm..is the sarcasm lost on some people around here.

appears so. some people here wouldnt know sarcasm if it came up and bit them in the ass.

nice post tho! quite clever

No matter what ppl say, the band would be nothing without Jon - yes he can be a bit of an idiot but hes still the main man



andi

I thought it was funny. Thats why i said HA HA.

Realistically though recently Jon has gone back on his word in a lot of recent events ie saying image was not what the band is about even though he spends more time in the beauty salon these days then he did in the entire eighties and nineties and sayin that Bon Jovi would never follow trends even though they cowrote a track with Max Martin(Britney Spears) etc etc etc.