The Osbournes Vs. The Bongiovis

Sambora_Laura · #1 12-15-2002, 09:16 PM

Quote:

WoW!

That would be fab- MTV cribs, a Bon Jovi Special!
After all, that's how the Osbournes began!

Who knows?
5 years down the line...
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6 months after MTV cribs Bon Jovi Special has been aired for the 10th time, and was a massive hit as usual...
scary voice over man:
"From the Makers of the Osbournes, MTV presents...THE BONGIOVI'S!"
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(Jon is sitting in Sanctuary 2, attempting to write the greatest song in the world)
Jon: woah...we're half way there...no, wait, that's been done...dammit!
*Stephanie walks in, wearing knee-high boots and fishnet tights, and with luminous green hair*
Stephanie; Daaaaaaaad, Jesse borrowed my Mascara again without asking, and now there's none left!
Jon: Steph, sweetie, I'm busy...
Stephanie: You're ALWAYS busy, you never f***ing listen to me any more!
Jon: It's not that I don't listen to you! Ive done 11 tours to go with 11 albums, all stood infront of about 6 million decibels of Richie's godawful playing! I'm listening, but i can't hear you! Just write me a bloody note!
(Steph writes him a note, telling him in so many words as to "Go away", and storms off)
Jon: I asked for that...
(Jesse runs into the room)
Jesse: DAD! DAD! Some aliens just landed and kidnapped Copper! Can I have the gun?
Jon: *sighs* No Jesse, you can't have the gun. And don't borrow your sister's mascara without asking!
Jesse: But everytime I ask she calls me a Jessy!
Jon: Well, in a way, that's true...
Jesse: Oh my ***king god, Dad! You're so ****king immature! I bet Ozzy isn't like this!
Jon: JESSE! That's E-f***ing-Nuff!!!!!!!!! I AM BUSY!
(Jesse storms off to look for some knives to play with. Jon gives up on writing, and walks up to the kitchen, where Richie is eating a sandwich)
Jon: Are you still here?
Richie: (through a mouthful of BLT) apparently so. You still writing crap?
Jone: Nope (opens the fridge to get a carton of Milk) Can't even write that anymore.
Richie: I knew passing up that Aerosmith gig was a mistake! Steven Tyler can at least write crap!
Jon: (can't find a glass, so he takes a swig out of the milk carton then puts it back) You write something then!
Richie: Whenever I do, you tell me it's crap!
Jon: Well let me see it again, because I ain't got any better ideas!
(Richie goes off to get his guitar and Jon sits at the piano, and begins to play)
Jon: (singing) Nothing lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change...and it's hard to hold a candle in the cold nov-
(Axl Rose jumps in through the window, along with Slash, who is playing a dramatic "Jumping through the window!" fiddly bit on his guitar")
Axl Rose: Sing that line and I'll sue the pink frills off your underwear, Mother******!!!!!!!!!
(Jon looks extremely depressed and exhasperated, and again tries to write something. Then Jake runs in with a knife)
Jake: Daddy! Daddy! Jesse got your gun and he chased Stephanie around the block with it!
Jon: Jake! I...am...BUSY!
(Richie comes back in with his guitar, and Jesse runs in with the gun. He trips on one of the leads from Richies guitar. The gun goes off and kills Axl Rose and Slash)
Jesse: Oops...
Jon: What did I tell you about the gun?!?!
Jesse: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! If you hadn't let me run wild, he'd still be alive! You killed him!
Jon: DOROTHEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The Osbournes, Bon Jovi style...
Next week- The Samboras!!!!!

Richie: HEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

That little skit was inspired by the "Jon's House" Thread and the Osbournes. Wouldn't it be cool to have the Bongiovis? This thread is dedicated to any scenarios you can think up that might appear in the weird and wonderful world of the Bongiovis. Family reunions? Christmas Day? Birthdays? Family arguments? Band arguments? Or even new variations! The Bon Jovis (as in the band, not the family) The Samboras, The Obriens, The Bryans, The Torres's, The MacDonalds?!?!

Is Hugh the heir to the fast food empire? Is he related To Ronald MacDonald?!?!

Come on!
Let's see what you all can do!!!!
Love
Laura
________
EXTREME VAPORIZER

Jovi-obsession · #2 12-15-2002, 10:09 PM

Since I lack anything and everything that can be considered creative, I will just sit back and enjoy everyone else's posts!

Irishshin · #3 12-15-2002, 10:20 PM

Lol

I liked that!

Tixy · #4 12-15-2002, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Jon: It's not that I don't listen to you! Ive done 11 tours to go with 11 albums, all stood infront of about 6 million decibels of Richie's godawful playing! I'm listening, but i can't hear you! Just write me a bloody note!

LOL @ whoever wrote this !!!

Sambora_Laura · #5 12-16-2002, 01:05 AM

Thankyou Tixy! lol!

Just a lickle Osbournes moment....hehe

It's too late now, but tomorrow, I shall write some more- unless someone beats me to it!

Come on!
The rest of you can write this stuff!

Love
Laura
________
JAGUAR XF SPECIFICATIONS

Shaun · #6 12-16-2002, 05:07 AM

that was pretty funny....especially when the gun went off

eeyore · #7 12-16-2002, 06:12 AM

I love it. I can't wait for the next show.....

Sambora_Laura · #8 12-17-2002, 12:09 AM

Sorry it's taken so long, guys, but I only manage to get on here long enough to write a part of this every two days or so! But whenever I can, I shall post!

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The Bongiovis- part 2:
A visit from Mrs B...
------------------------------------------
(Jon is again sat at the Piano, trying to write the greatest song in the world, while Jesse, Jake and Stephanie are at school. Dorothea is practising her martial arts on a mat about 10ft from the piano. Richie is down in the basement pretending to write, but he's actually playing on a playstation with Obie)
Jon: hmmmmmmm...no, no, that's not it...
Dorothea: hai-YAH! (jumps around a bit on the mat)
(Jon looks up, and glares)
Jon: Dot, Darling, is there *any* chance you could go somewhere else?
Dot: Nope! (jumps across the room and kicks a vase into a million pieces)
(Jon flinches as the pieces of the vase hit the deck, and carries on writing. The doorbell rings, and he jumps up to answer it. He answers the door, and Mrs B marches in)
Jon: Hey mom.
Mrs B: (smacks him around the head) Jon! I thought I told you I didn't like the way this hall is decorated!
Jon: But Maaaaa! This is MY house! I'm 40 Years old!
Mrs B: And I gave you the gift of LIFE, SUNSHINE!
Jon: Point taken.
Mrs B: I like Pink
Jon: I hate...
Mrs B: anything but Pink in a hallway, I know you do. So change it!
(Jon mutters something under his breath. Mrs B clouts Jon around the ear, and marches into the room where Dorothea is practising)
Mrs B: Cheeky swine!
Dot: Hi mom!
Mrs B: Hey sweetie!
(she kisses Dot on the cheek)
Practising hard?
Dot: Harder than ever!
Mrs B: (urgently) Jon!
(Jon runs in from the hall, looking worried)
Jon: What's the matter?!?!
Mrs B: Why is the Piano still in the room?! I *told* you that you disturb Dorothea when she's practising!
Dot: Oh no, really Mrs B, I don't mind him being there!
Jon: YOU don't mind ME?
Mrs B: JON! (smacks him around the head again) Move that piano! NOW!
(Jon looks scared and runsto the piano, and starts to push it towards the door. As he is, Richie appears in the doorway)
Richie: What the...?
Jon: Don't ask...(keeps pushing the piano)
(Richie ducks under the piano, and pops up the other side)
Richie: Hey Mrs B!
Mrs B: Ricky!
Richie: It's Richie, actually...
Mrs B: Of course, sweetie! How are you feeling?
Richie: I'm feeli...
Mrs B: That's great, just great, but could you get me a coffee, sweetie?
Richie: (shrugs) Sure...Dorothea?
Dot: Not for me.
Mrs B: Thank you Ronald!
Richie: *muttering under his breath* It's Richie, dammit!
(there is a loud crash, followed by several loud bands and crashes, and then one huge thud from the Basement. Obie comes running up the stairs)
Obie:OH MY GOD! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAVE YOURSELVES!
(Obies dives out of the window)
Mrs B: Odd young man. Roland? Be a dear and see what that noise was?
Richie: Yes Mrs B...(goes down the stairs, and sees a mangled heap of what appears to be Jon and the Piano) Dude! You Ok?
Jon: (accompanied by dischordant piano-ish sounds) I'm...I'm...fine.
(Richie rushes to help him up and out of the mess)
Jon: NO! Is my mother still here?
(Mrs B calls down the stairs)
Mrs B: JON! stop making such a racket! I am *trying* to Talk to Dorothea up here! And Reggie, sweetie, I am *awfully* thirsty!
Richie: I'll be up in a minute, Mrs B!
Mrs B: Very good dear!
Richie: Yes she's still here, dude.
(Richie goes to help Jon Up out of the mess)
Jon: NOOOOOO! Leave me here! Let me die!!!!!!!!!!!!

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finis
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More soon..........
________
Miss belvedere

Tixy · #9 12-17-2002, 12:13 AM

iwan_rasta · #10 12-17-2002, 06:01 AM

That's f***in' great !

The Osbournes Vs. The Bongiovis

General BJ Discussion