"Bon Jovi was born in Kansas and has been a member of Purple Heart ever since he turned twelve. Brought up by two gay father figures who both told him to go out and 'get a job' that would make them proud, he reasoned that the Purple Heart would fulfill the family pride and open up the gates to Val Halla more easily. He is still waiting. After the second world Bon Jovi invented the guitar whilst single handedly brining up 7 adopted sons."

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bon_Jovi

This site is just great.

hhahahahaha...