I'll post a quick review of my own in a minute, but until then I have to post this review of the album. Apart from the fact that the best track on the album isn't even named, and far too much weight is given to the very average I'd Come For You, it's a hilarious read:
ChartAttack's quick-hit, currently-playing Pumping On Our Stereo blog characterized Nickelback's new album Dark Horse as a "moral vacuum," but that's incorrect.
There's a clear moral code at play here. In fact, it perfectly represents the dominant values of our culture. In a nutshell, drugs are BAD, but beer ROCKS. Love is MAGIC, but ****ing is BETTER. Also, if you're not living on the EDGE every second of every day, you're wasting your life. These contradictions play out over the 11 short songs, ultimately synthesizing in the masterpiece of double entendre, "I'd Come For You."
DRUGS ARE BAD
This wouldn't be a Nickelback album without some kind of tragic tale of substance abuse. We've all seen the after-school special. The specific problem drug in this case is left ambiguous, so listeners are free to insert whatever scares them most.
BEER ROCKS
There are two songs on Dark Horse dedicated to the art of getting wasted. One of them is awesome. The other is so-so, but still funny. "Burn It To The Ground" is everything you want to hear when you're pre-drinking on Saturday night — it simply rides a fist-pumping rocker riff for a solid two minutes while Chad Kroeger spouts gems such as "No class, no taste/No shirt, shit-faced." Gawd yes.
"This Afternoon" is more of a relaxed, acoustic frat house drinking anthem. It's basically about drinking beer all day and all night while your life deteriorates. This is known as...
LIVIN' ON THE EDGE
If you have seen either The Bucket List or that other "I'm dying" movie with Queen Latifah — or, for that matter, if you've heard any of the other zillion songs with this exact same message — you can skip this category. In fact, let's skip it anyway. We all know what "If Today Was Your Last Day" is like, right?
Remember that Simpsons episode where Homer reads a book that tells him to live each day like it's his last and then it cuts to a shot of him weeping on the curb? That was classic.
LOVE IS MAGIC
Showing incredible restraint, The Kroegster only dedicated two songs on Dark Horse to the concept of True Love: "Never Gonna Be Alone" and the first single, "Gotta Be Somebody." Note that "I'd Come For You" has one foot in this category, but for obvious reasons, it's in a class by itself. Reviewing "Gotta Be Somebody" is sort of moot at this point, as everybody who could possibly want to hear it — and an awful lot of people who don't — have already heard it on the radio or the internet or at Boston Pizza or whatever.
****ING IS BETTER
By far, the best songs on Dark Horse are about getting laid. The very first song is called "Something In Your Mouth." Need I say more? It's about blow jobs, dude! Specifically, it's a fast-paced head-banger about a gorgeous slut who seduces everybody in a nightclub floor by sucking her thumb.
The other slut ode is actually about a whore. My pet theory is that the southern rock jam "Shakin' Hands" is about Ashley Dupre, the prostitute hired by former New York governor Eliot Spitzer the night his career exploded.
"Next Go Round" is even heavier than "Something In Your Mouth." Nickelback's most metal track is all about screwing non-stop, pretty much forever. "Up and down we go," says Kroeger.
As if in response to the challenge that he couldn't write anything less subtle than "Next Go Round," Kroeger offers "S.E.X." Aside from offering a grim reminder that "'No' is a dirty word," this tune gets its title by turning the word sex into a bad acrostic poem. As in, "That letter stands for this." X, by the way, is "just to mark the spot."
"I'LL ALWAYS COME FOR YOU"
Saving the best for last, it's time to get around to "I'd Come For You," the song about True Love beating the odds. It also has a subtle semen reference in the chorus.
On any other album, I'd be inclined to give Nickelback the benefit of the doubt and take this power ballad at face value. The lyrics aren't overtly suggestive; most of them are standard notes about being in love and needing love, and never once mention sex. But the rest of the album into account, I completely crack up every time Kroeger emotes, "Yes I'd come for you/But only if you told me to." But I'll bet grandma and grandpa probably won't even bat an eyelash when you play this at your wedding. They'll probably dance to it.
Chad Kroeger is a genius because he knows exactly what people want and precisely how far he can go. He turned out an extremely racy album that's loaded with songs about gettin' drunk and doin' it all without breaking any taboos, and with enough love and moral authority to grease its passage into the mainstream. Rejoice, North America. This is your world
http://www.chartattack.com/reviews/6...for-dark-times
01-22-2009, 12:28 AM
