A year down the line...

Madrid bombing survivors nursing wounds

MAR ROMAN

MADRID, Spain - The checklist of Jesus Ramirez's injuries is gruesome: horribly burned legs and shrapnel in his lungs and back. He feels guilty to be alive and dreams about missing the train that blew up around him.

Ramirez had just boarded a Madrid commuter train on the overcast morning of March 11, 2004, and was looking for a seat on which to settle down with his newspaper when 10 backpack bombs allegedly planted by Muslim extremists blew up, killing 191 people and wounding more than 1,500.

A year later, "11-M" has become Spanish shorthand for a national tragedy, much like 9/11 is in the United States.

For 15 days Ramirez hovered between life and death, riddled with metal and glass. He still sees doctors and a therapist and cringes at the very sight of himself, haggard, wounded and aged beyond his years.

"It has been a dramatic year, a lost year, one of hospitals, of looking at the mirror and seeing yourself covered with scars. It is a year to forget," said Ramirez, 50, a graphic designer.

As Spain marks the anniversary, Ramirez is one of many survivors overwhelmed by post-traumatic stress syndrome, illness, disfigurement, and disabilities.

Fewer than half the injured have come to terms with their tragedy and moved on with their lives, said Marisa Perles, a psychologist who works closely with the victims. The rest just relive their brush with death.

Ramirez says that in his dreams, he deliberately delays boarding the train at Atocha station and waits for the next one.

"You think it's unfair that you have survived. You feel guilty to be alive, and I often ask myself what happened to the person who was traveling next to me," he said.

Over the past year, Perles has worked with a group of 15 survivors and their families to keep them thinking positive. They mounted a photo exhibit of things they hold precious - a pet, a wristwatch, the sky. They've dabbled in ceramics and painting, exchanged visits with other mourning families and even ridden a train to simulate their relatives' doomed journey.

Patients have improved but Perles said she expects anniversary relapses.

"The first year the pain is extremely intense," Perles said.

The Association of Victims of March 11, of which Ramirez is vice president, says it will mourn privately rather than participate in any big anniversary ceremony. Honoring that sentiment, the government has promised low-key observances and five minutes of silence starting at noon Friday.

But Juan Antonio Diaz, who survived the blast as he waited for a train, said he will watch and record any March 11 memorial programs on TV. For him, March 11 will provide a reminder of life's fragility.

"I'm lucky compared to those who were killed or are disabled," said Diaz, 49.

The stocky, bearded Spaniard knew nothing of the bombings until he regained consciousness in the hospital five days later and watched TV.

He had internal damage in his skull, suffered amnesia and lost more than 70 percent of his sight. He didn't remember that his father had been dead for two years.

He suffered months of depression while on sick leave from work. He took long, aimless walks just to tire himself out.

"I felt useless, empty. I was looking for a reason to live," said Diaz.

Through patience and support from his wife Almudena and their two children, he has gained weight and gone back to work at an industrial machinery import firm, feeling almost normal again. He has also regained most of his memory - although he can't recall the bombing.

He has also tried not to let it affect his family life, although he knows it has.

"He's more introverted, more vehement and more sensitive," said his wife. "His eyes fill with tears at the first hint of any emotion. He's not the same anymore. He has changed after the bombings."

Still, after a year of darkness, both Diaz and Ramirez are convinced that life is worth living.

"An attack can happen everywhere, in a cinema, in a market, in a soccer stadium," Ramirez says. "You can't withdraw into yourself. Life is to be lived with its risks."

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It's the first anniversary tomorrow already

That was a whole year ago??

Time flies ..... for me it 's like yesterday ... what a shock it was ....(
It woould be great to be able to put our life on reward sometimes and make this NOT HAPPEN

I was just thinking about this...I can't believe it is a year already .

I was just thinking the same!! My God time flies!

Yes, it's gone by so fast - and still so many things remain unsolved

Spain Marks Anniversary of Train Bombings

By MAR ROMAN

MADRID, Spain - Spaniards lit candles, laid down flowers and observed a long, mournful silence Friday to mark the first anniversary of the country's worst terrorist attack, when 10 al-Qaida bombs ripped through crowded commuter trains, killing 191 and wounding more than 1,500.

King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia led government leaders and other dignitaries during the main memorial — a silent, five-minute noon vigil inaugurating a grove of 192 olive and cypress trees, one for each person killed last March 11 and a policeman killed when Islamic militant suspects seeking to avoid arrest blew themselves up.


The grove in Madrid's main park has been christened the "Forest of the Absent."


Without bells or other signal, the normally bustling Spanish society paused for five minutes of quiet remembrance at the designated time of noon. Trains made unscheduled stops at stations. Construction workers on scaffolding put down their tools. Office workers poured into the streets.


After the vigil, a young cellist dressed in black played "Song of the Birds" by Pablo Casals, a piece the late Spanish cellist had written in dedication to peace.


"I feel so sad. It was so unfair," said Bakea Goitia, a 48-year-old civil servant. She recalled the day of the bombing as "catastrophic. Everything seemed to go out of control."


Goitia was part of a crowd of thousands stretching as far as the eye could see along Paseo de la Castellana, Madrid's main north-south artery, grieving over an attack that cut across nationality, killing immigrants from Ecuador to Ukraine, from France to the Philippines.


At Atocha, a crowd of at least 1,000 people broke into applause after observing the five minutes of silence. Clapping after a funeral is a common Spanish way of paying one's respects.


Attached to a railing overlooking the platform that was bombed was a single red rose with a sign that said, "for you, my love, who are no longer with me."


Earlier, at the rail stations targeted in the attack, people huddled together and shed tears as memories of the blasts returned. Some left notes that tried to put pain into words.


"Who will give me back my will to live, which died here a year ago?" read a letter posted on a wall at El Pozo station — the deadliest of four scenes of carnage. It was signed only Susana, a woman who said she was injured when bombs gutted a double-decker train.


Bells at hundreds of churches around Madrid also tolled for five minutes beginning at 7:37 a.m., when the first of 10 dynamite-loaded backpacks detonated on four rush-hour trains. Al-Qaida-linked militants claimed responsibility.


"It really could have happened to any one of us. That is the truth," said Victoria Martinez Montes, a 70-year-old retiree, standing outside the Church of Saint Teresa on a clear, chilly morning in Spain's capital. "More than remember, what we should do is try to help those who survived because those who are gone are now with God."


At El Pozo, a man tossed red and white carnations and roses onto the railroad tracks.


Another, an emergency medical worker who attended to the dying on the day of the attack, came wearing his uniform, a yellow jumpsuit, to pay his respects.


"I will never forget the image of what happened here," said the 42-year-old worker, who identified himself only as Paco. "I still remember the smell of gunpowder. Finding pieces of bodies on the platform. The image of a boy's head on a bench."


As he spoke, a text message beeped on his cell phone. It was from a rescue-worker colleague and said: "A year ago they took something away from us."

Juana Leal, who lost her husband in the El Pozo blast, said she got up early Friday to ride a train at the same time he did a year ago. "He never came back. I am bringing him flowers," she said. Leal placed a bouquet of carnations and daisies at an isolated spot on the platform. Tucked into it was a small photo of her husband.

Maria Jesus Moreno, who was walking toward El Pozo when the bomb went off, said she remembers seeing her neighbors running to catch the train that would later blow up around them. "I never saw them again," Moreno said, crying as she recalled the image.

On a train following the same route as the four that were bombed last year, passengers rode in silence. A free newspaper handed out to commuters featured a black front page with a picture of a candle.

"It is hard to take the train today. You think about that day. It all comes back," said one commuter, Pilar Almena, a 48-year-old chef.

Those attending the inauguration of the grove of trees included King Mohamed VI of Morocco, home to most of the 22 suspects in jail in connection with the attack.

Militants claimed responsibility for the attacks in videotapes, saying they were retaliating on al-Qaida's behalf for Spanish troops' presence in Iraq (news - web sites).

Socialists who opposed the war ousted the ruling conservatives in elections held three days later, with many voters accusing then Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar of having made Spain a target for al-Qaida by backing the U.S.-led invasion. Aznar was also accused of lying to save the election by blaming the armed Basque separatist group ETA for the attacks, even after evidence of an Islamic link emerged.

The 22 people jailed over the bombings face preliminary charges of terrorism or mass murder. Fifty-two detainees have been released but are still considered suspects. A trial is not expected until late this year at the earliest.

Today I am spanish ... eventhough I am not

don't exagerate!

oh do you know me ?
so don't judge I feel what i write this is MY feeling not yours