Abortion

Once, my boyfriend and I came to discuss abortion (not because we had to choose, though) and he said that if he ever was in a position where it should be discussed and perhaps taken into consideration he thought he could speak his mind but the ultimate decision would be the woman's. I must say, I understood what he meant, but it makes me uncomfortable. Why should the woman only take not exactly responsibility but something very like it when there's clearly two people involved? But then again, I don't think I'd like to hear a woman has had to continue her pregnancy just because the man wouldn't allow her to terminate it. Confusing

I'm not against abortion but I'm so convinced that I could never ever bring myself to have an abortion (unless there were serious health issues involved) that I'm somewhat puzzled at the way it's given these days. I think it should be legal somehow but it should definitely exist with a thorough sexual education. Otherwise it runs the risk of turning into some sort of birth control for when it's too late, and I can't say I like that. To me - and not out of religious ideas or anything - the foetus has life right from the start when it's apparently nothing but a cluster of cells.

But that's my opinion. I don't think I'd frown upon anyone feeling the need to have an abortion - as long as they are sure about it - even if I'm not very "happy" about it. I'd help as best I could but I'd definitely find it depressing.

I think what should be fundamental in the decision is more what happens after the birth than what happens before it. The mother's decision might dramatically change your life for ever, just as much as her's, as your couple's life, and just as much as your possible previous children's lives.

How does being the pregnant one qualify her to decide solely for all these other lives in which your part is as important as hers?

I'm not saying the father is always ahead on the right decision to make or anything like that, just that the child is his as much as it's the mother's. And it's not like men chose to not be the pregnant one either. However, if it's also their decision to try and have a child, then they should be on the deciding side all the way.

Anyway, this may be a too specific example for this discussion...


Ponrauil

How about just looking around you - at least in my country. 75% of single parents are women. The rate of unmarried teen pregnancy is the highest among young women who have not been living with both biological parents.

The following are quotes:

"Single motherhood is by far the most common instance of single parenting; in the US, single mothers outnumber single fathers four to one. Single mothers may have a hard time providing for their families."
"In the US, a large percentage of single mothers have children in a younger age than most married mothers, and more of them failed to graudate high school or/and unable to finish college education, thus aren't able to have an average wage or income, a difficult situation unless there are welfare and health care programs available to support her and child.

Thus, single mothers must contend with both financial and child rearing burdens. If a parent makes less money, and thus has to work longer hours, she has less time for her child."


Taken from:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_...#United_States

and that's just the first place I looked for statistics. In this country it is rather well known that men tend not to support the children they do have - especially after a divorce. It got so bad that laws were passed called "deadbeat Dad" laws to ensure that guys paid child support.

So no - I don't see my remark as sexist but as realistic and factual. The divorce rate in this country is almost 55% (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography)

Once a divorce happens - it is usually the mother that assumes the care of the kids. That's why the first statistics above say that 75% of single parent households are headed by women.

So - at least in this country - if a woman is realistic - she is the one that will be dealing with the care and feeding and supporting of the kids. That is another reason that the decision to have kids should be hers.

In all honesty - if you are in a long term stable relationship it should be a joint decision. Or as Maria said - in a perfect world. I have 3 kids and can't imagine life without them. But I didn't have the first one until I was 32 and I was able to support him on my own if I had to. Many people are not that responsible about their decisions - or birth control.

Kathleen

always research what you are about to say. im not a native english speaker! My first language is actually irish! english second!

So because about 55% of fathers, from your stats, will be more or less absent, the other 45% should lose their decisional power on their own life and family?

"I will have/not have this child wether you like it or not because there's a 55% chance we might divorce in the next 30 years."

Is that what you seriously think all potential fathers should accept?


Ponrauil

I really hope that that statistic never stops to shock me. I know this is speaking from my own experience, but I can think of few worse things to happen to a family than divorce, and few people that benefit as a result.

It is pretty damning that this happens every other marriage


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And for diversion, a cute picture of an elephant foetus!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...466264,00.html

I'm sure Kathleen can defend herself, but you are extrapolating unfairly... Based purely on this thread, all she has said is that she took precautions to avoid getting pregnant, until she was sure she would be able to support it herself. If the worst happened.

I can only be thankful three children have a loving mother.

see i dont have a problem with that but what she that about tohers not being as responsable for not doing that is very unfair. I have no dout that she is a loving mother but just because other people have children together does not make them unresponsable. People go into marriage over here to have children and it doesnt cross there mind "What If" i get divorced. In America it seem to be you into marrage thinking hmmmm i cant wait to get half of his or her money when i gert divorced

Maybe I'm understanding more than I should, if so my bad, that's why I replied with a question. But when I read the part of her post I quoted, again I just see some divorce statistics leading to her conclusion that "the decision to have kids should be hers". I disagree.


Then she added :

"In all honesty - if you are in a long term stable relationship it should be a joint decision. Or as Maria said - in a perfect world. I have 3 kids and can't imagine life without them. But I didn't have the first one until I was 32 and I was able to support him on my own if I had to. Many people are not that responsible about their decisions - or birth control."

Which I totally agree on and respect. Except for Spunky's "in a perfect world" thing... as if reliable people (men or women) didn't exist anymore in big enough numbers for laws to be made by and for them.

Ponrauil

i might respect what she is saying but i do agree with it. and the Divorce 55%doesnt mean anything other than a lot of people got marrieed to fast or for the wrong reasons. It is not that high in Ireland. all my family and friends parents or going on 25 years married or even more. I dont think people in america would even know what that looks like. Marraige is a sacred thing between to people who want to raise a family together not a joke like they make in america