Advice needed.

Okay, I'm in this situation and I want to know what you people would do.

You see, I had this friend at school and we were really close. We were in the same class from 5 year old to 14 year old. And we were always having a good time, etc. Then she left for the south of Spain and I continued at school. At the beginning we kept in touch with each other constantly, but after a few months I realised that I was moving one and she was getting stuck in the past. She didn't even tried to adpat to her new environment and her new school, she complained and sulked all the time. It got on my nerves. Still, whenver she came to Madrid I arranged to meet her in hopes that we continued our friendship in the present and not only through our memories. But after a few meetings I just couldn't stand it, she kept telling this memory and that other memory and do you remember when...? I tried and tried to change topics, but she just wouldn't. So whenver she came I started making (silly) excuses. But she kept on trying to reach me. Once she even came home to check I was out as I had told her I would be. I think she should have got it - I didn't want to see her. I mean no one would be *that* busy!

What gets me is that she doesn't care about who I am anymore. She just phones because I went to that school she has idealised. Whenver she rings, as she did today, she doesn't ask how I'm doing (after months and months of not speaking at all), she doesn't care what I'm doing with my life anymore. She's been telling me she came for Christmas and went to the school and took pictures with the janitor (!!!) and she is in contact with people from our class she detested back then, but loves now because they were there back then.

I don't know what to do. Should I tell her plainly to leave me alone? Should I keep making excuses until she gets tired? She's getting very tiresome and she's scaring me. She asked me if I had changed my address today and I don't like her anymore. I think she's crazy or something.

She wants us to meet in July, but no way I'm going!

So what would you do? Am I being rude? Am I being paranoid?

Sorry that was too long, but I just want to see how people would react and stuff. Thanks for listening / reading!

Be kind at first. Tell her you either want to do something different (besides hang around and talk about the good ol' days) and see if you can redirect her enthusasim. If not, tell her you don't want to continue the friendship (but for some other reason than that she's obsessed about the old days). If that doesn't work, just ignore her.

Adrian

sounds dangerous! did she ask you already what your favorite horror movie was?

no seriously: if she doesn't understand - or doesn't want to understand - then simply tell her that you don't like to be around people that are always complaining and can only think about the past, that you are a positive thinking person and you're glad that the past is over or stuff like that. that you liked her the way she was (happy and positive) but not really the was she's now.

probably this is hard to say and she won't like it at all of course, but if she starts to scare you, you better get rid of her as soon as possible, even if you have to be a bit rude.


that's my opinion. but after all, you have to do it, so you have to decide what to do, not me. i think that telling the truth - even it's the hardest option for both - is the best way.

I guesss I'll have to tell her eventually seeing as she doesn't get it. But it will be such a difficult situation!

And it's not like I've never tried to get her to talk of something else, but she just *won't*.

She just makes me so mad when she phones and infers that becauseI still live here I'll know every single thing that's taking place at my old school!

I don't know. I'll have to tell her, but I really wish I hadn't t be in that situation

It's an unfortunate consequence of growing up. Even at my age, there are people that I went to high school with that never got past that point in their life. Listen to Springsteen's song "Glory Days" - it describes your situation perfectly. Some people move on and grow as individuals and learn new things and have new experiences - and others are either frightened by new things or have no desire for new things and hold on to the past.
At some point you will have to talk with her and tell her that friendship is a two way street. She has to be interested in what YOU are doing now as well as sharing her new life with you. Otherwise, you are simply a source of information about her old school

Kathleen

She sounds obsessed (obviously), I know that telling the thruth seems like the best and right idea.And it is don't get me wrong but have you thought about how she's gonna feel if you tell her "Get out of my life, all you do is talk about the old days, we grew up get over it!!"
maybe she'd feel bad but that would be so cool.!!

My poor Keeper, that's complicated, a friend you don't want to hurt but she can't realise she's stuck in the past. And i'm afraid she won't change. People i knew like that are still in their little town, seeing the same persons on the weekend, talking about those years !!! How great ........ even just two hours are too much when i'm there. I can't, i tried a few times, but it's not interesting at all. They seem to be happy all together talking about this and that again and again .......

Except telling her the truth i don't know what you could do. Just tell her next time she calls, you're not interested in this sort of meeting, you're tired of talking of the same thing again and again. Things have changed for you since this time. Maybe she will propose you to do something else, a bit different this time.

Good luck !

Do what Chandler did to Janice and tell her you're moving to Yeman

Seriously, id go with Adrians advice, try the nice approach first and then if that doesnt work you're gonna have to be "cruel to be kind" as it were and tell her you dont wanna live your life in the past.

Let us know how it goes

That was priceless, i just can't laugh enough of it


Its very compicated situation and i guess it is better explaining her in directly. If that doesn't work, i think it is better to give her ur piece of mind.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I just wish she got it and I didn't have to tell her. I've decided I'll make my last excuse for July and if she calls again after that I'll just tell her plainly what I think. I mean, I used to cherish my memories with her, but now she's spoilt them all I've tried to talked to her about our present lives but she just ignores the topic, so I won't be trying that again! It's four years I've been taking this and I'm honestly fed up!

I have other friends from school - my two best friends in fact. And we lead sort of separate lives now but we're still friends without having to think of what we did and what happened when... There's the odd moment when you'll get reminded of some anecdote or other, and you'll laugh at it. But that's it. Then you go on to talk about something else.

So if in July she doesn't take the hint I'll definitely be very cruel to be kind and to avoit madness myself!