Americanisms

Found this in todays Mirror, thought it was quite funny, and most true!!


CLOSURE
THERE was a time when this was what happened after last orders at the Crown and Ferret. Now we're talking the pop psychology of Oprah Winfrey.

"Closure" may be more succinct than: "I have finally reconciled myself to my parents' divorce, which for years impeded my psychological development", but who needs it when the old British way - lifelong bitterness - was so much more satisfying?

ISSUES
ONCE teenagers had spots and dodgy hairstyles; today they have "issues". Favourites include minor parental neglect, being denied the latest pair of trainers and the way Mum is so embarrassing in front of friends.

Next time you hear some Avril Lavigne-alike airing her "issues" at the mall (or Tesco's car park), just stop her and say: "Real issues are Iraq or the environment. You haven't got issues, you've got acne."

24/7
WHEN people say they've been working 24/7 all week, they haven't really stayed up for 168 hours without a wink of sleep. If "open all hours" was good enough for Ronnie Barker...

COULD CARE LESS
LIKE "bad" for "good", this expression actually means the exact opposite - that you couldn't

care less. If the trend continues, just think where we'll all end up - black will mean white, yes will mean no and Bush will mean "compassionate, intellectual, pacifist statesman". Next week: Is stupid the new clever?

APARTMENT
IT'S the same size as a flat, it looks like a flat, yet by calling it an apartment, estate agents can charge you an extra £50,000.

All you get extra is the misguided belief that people called Ross and Rachel will drop by for brunch.

Face it: you're renting a one-bed flat over the chippie, and nobody's coming round except for the rent.

REGULAR
FAST-FOOD speak, like fast food itself, threatens our well-being.

Americans like to call normal things "regular" - eg, a regular Coke with fries. But it's no longer just in restaurants that "regular" is replacing "standard".

Now people come from "a regular family" or are described as a "regular guy". Regular means customary, or at spaced intervals, or symmetrical. None of which is the same as a pint-and-a-half bucket of bad coffee or a very dull bloke in the pub.

WHATEVER
ALICIA Silverstone changed the English language when she dismissed her less stylishly attired preppies by saying "whatever" in the 1995 comedy Clueless.

This infuriating phrase is pronounced "whut...evah" and often accompanied by an irritating eye-rolling and sullen jutting of the speaker's half-open

jaw. Jane Austen, whose literary classic Emma was the inspiration for Clueless, must be revolving in her grave.

GARBAGE
GARBAGE are an American band led by Scots singer Shirley Manson. Britain's binmen have always and will always collect rubbish. Likewise, trash-can - the proper term is wastepaper basket or bin. Watch out for Garbage Laden, public enemy No 1.

AWESOME
IF only we could go back to saying things were "nice" or "pleasant". But humbly positive expressions such as "super", "great" and "lovely" have been overwhelmed by super-superlatives. Now everything is "awesome" or "totally fabulous". Can't Gordon Brown do something to keep this rampant "praise inflation" in check?

I'M, LIKE, SOOOO COOL!
AS in: "I'm, like, totally stoked that Dawson's Creek is about to start." Like Paris Hilton, overuse of "like" wastes our time and serves no purpose. Likewise, stretching out "so" is lazy and shows extreme poverty of vocabulary. Why not try out a proper sentence such as: "He was exceptionally cool." Assuming he was of a low temperature, that is.

CAN I GET...?
WHEN Jennifer Aniston says it in Friends, she really means: "May I have..." An example of the States' grab-and-go coffee-bar

culture which sounds outrageously silly over here. The correct response from cafe staff to the question: "Can I get a coffee?" should, of course, be: "No you can't get it. You see, I work here, so that's my job."

SPORTS
FOR some reason, Americans have taken the collective noun "sport", meaning sporting activities, and added a wholly unnecessary "s". Which is almost as annoying as the word "fruits". The term "sports" belongs strictly to sports' day, not sports reporter or sports pages, which should both be singular.

FRIES
NOT content with forcing the Big Mac on us, the McDonald's marketing machine has introduced this verbal takeaway monstrosity to our shores. Note to US corporations: over here, we eat chips. No, that's not a chip. That's a crisp.

That is the best one!!

yeah its so ****ing gay when the yanks say I could care less, they really should stop to think about what the hell they are saying!

he he he

Don't you share bathrooms and showers in flats? Just curious,because my sister inlaw's siter lives in London and does. My apartment isn't that expensive and I have my own bathroom! I think the writer may be confusing apartment with condominiums,which are expensive. I must admit though,some of these are annoying,for example"like" and "that's bad",which most of us used growing up.

nah man, hes talking about apartments over here (hence the £), and the shower belongs in the bathroom! Ive never been to a house where the shower has been somewhere else...

I wasn't sure how it was set up?! I just know Stacy told me they have to share a bathroom in their flat. That's unheard of here. Forgive my wording on that,I meant them to be together. I would go crazy if we had to share a bathroom. We can't even all get in there now when we want to with the 2 kids and husband and myself all sharing one.

That's one of my pet my many linguistic pet peeves.

Becky

a student flat ie the one apartment but with lots of rooms you'll share a kitchen and bathroom but you're actually living with the people if you get what i mean.

Long gone are the days of nipping down the close with a daily record in hand to join the tenemants queue to do a shit in the outhouse.

Oh my!! I'm always at a loss with this and whenever someone answers me like that I get VERY confused!


Poor Jane! :P Although the experts do say that Clueless is not so bad as an adaptation of the novel. It's my least favourite Jane Austen's novel anyway!