1. A cobra bit John Smeaton's leg. After 5 days of excrutiating pain, tha snake died.

2.John Smeaton does not dodge bullets. Bullets dodge John Smeaton.

3. John Smeaton can strangle you with a cordless phone.

4. John Smeaton once challenged Chuck Norris to 'a square go'. Mr Norris kindly refused tha advance.

5. John Smeaton isn't afraid of the dark..... The dark is afraid of John Smeaton.

6. When John Smeaton does push-ups, he's actually pushing the ground down.

7. Death once had a near John Smeaton experience.

8. John Smeaton never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

9. John Smeaton once won a game of connect 4 in two moves.

10. John Smeaton went into Burger King and asked for a Big Mac... He Got one.

11. Men wear Superman pyjamas, Superman wears John Smeaton Pyjamas.

12. Osama Bin Laden is not hiding from the Americans, he's hiding from John Smeaton.

13. The clocks only go back an hour when John Smeaton wants a long lie.

14. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that John Smeatons PC will crash.

15. John Smeaton plays russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver.... and wins!!