Jovitalk - Bon Jovi Fan Community
Home Register Members FAQ
 

Chuck Norris

NBJ - Everything Else


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 12-15-2005, 09:19 PM
Living_on_my_Hair's Avatar
Living_on_my_Hair Living_on_my_Hair is offline
Senior Member
Jovi Freak
  
Join Date: 24 Apr 2003
Location: Ireland
Gender: male
Posts: 3,553
Default Chuck Norris
this will be completley lost on people who dont have an idea of who he is and what hes like, and who dont have a stupid sense of humour!


Quote:
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him.

When Chuck Norris has s*x with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck
roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually
a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that
day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn,
sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire
state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he
roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged
to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her
pregnant.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man into the middle of next week.
He then roundhouse kicked himself into the middle of next week, and
roundhouse kicked the guy again.

If you shaved off Chuck Norris' beard, you would find a tatoo of an
identical beard underneath.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity." then you are dead wrong.

andi
__________________
Don't look up on your movie screens
In record stores or magazines
Close your eyes and you will see
That you are all you really need
JBJ - I believe

"Sambora's face is a mask of joyous disbelief, as if previously unaware of his ability to play the instrument at all. Reaching the last fistful of notes, he does a fair impression of a man who is actually ejaculating into his jet black flares."
. . . Ben Mitchell, Q Magazine
Reply With Quote

  #2  
Old 12-15-2005, 10:02 PM
Iceman's Avatar
Iceman Iceman is offline
Senior Member
The Distance
  
Join Date: 11 Oct 2002
Location: Somewhere between heaven & hell.
Age: 44
Gender: male
Posts: 8,205
Send a message via ICQ to Iceman Send a message via MSN to Iceman
Default
How many times does this have to be posted?

http://www.drycounty.com/jovitalk/sh...ad.php?t=33207

Ice
__________________
D.Barry:"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
M.Brooks: "If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country."

Only dead fish go with the flow.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-15-2005, 10:15 PM
Living_on_my_Hair's Avatar
Living_on_my_Hair Living_on_my_Hair is offline
Senior Member
Jovi Freak
  
Join Date: 24 Apr 2003
Location: Ireland
Gender: male
Posts: 3,553
Default
well, if i didnt see the other thread then chances are there are other people who didnt read it either.
__________________
Don't look up on your movie screens
In record stores or magazines
Close your eyes and you will see
That you are all you really need
JBJ - I believe

"Sambora's face is a mask of joyous disbelief, as if previously unaware of his ability to play the instrument at all. Reaching the last fistful of notes, he does a fair impression of a man who is actually ejaculating into his jet black flares."
. . . Ben Mitchell, Q Magazine
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-15-2005, 10:21 PM
Thomas Anderson's Avatar
Thomas Anderson Thomas Anderson is offline
Friends will be friends
Bounce
  
Join Date: 15 Aug 2002
Location: Merseyside, England
Age: 36
Gender: male
Posts: 30,116
Default
There is a search function so you could have checked, besides the fact that you posted it in NBJ when it should have been in the F&G forum anyway.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-15-2005, 10:29 PM
Living_on_my_Hair's Avatar
Living_on_my_Hair Living_on_my_Hair is offline
Senior Member
Jovi Freak
  
Join Date: 24 Apr 2003
Location: Ireland
Gender: male
Posts: 3,553
Default
im almost tempted to post the 'how many message boarders it takes to change a lightbuld' thread again, while also asking what are the lyrics on the extended version of Always Live from london while also enquiring as to why Richie shouts his name out during wanted and why Hugh isnt a 'proper' band member while asking have bon jovi 'sold out' and gone 'pop' , just out of badness. But that would take too long.

meh


andi
__________________
Don't look up on your movie screens
In record stores or magazines
Close your eyes and you will see
That you are all you really need
JBJ - I believe

"Sambora's face is a mask of joyous disbelief, as if previously unaware of his ability to play the instrument at all. Reaching the last fistful of notes, he does a fair impression of a man who is actually ejaculating into his jet black flares."
. . . Ben Mitchell, Q Magazine
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-15-2005, 10:43 PM
Alphavictim Alphavictim is offline
Senior Member
Something for the Posts
  
Join Date: 15 Sep 2005
Location: Germany
Age: 34
Gender: male
Posts: 3,200
Default
Don't forget the issue of Jon's voice and Richie's guitar solos.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-16-2005, 10:11 AM
jess's Avatar
jess jess is offline
Senior Member
I Don't Want To Post Forever
  
Join Date: 14 Aug 2002
Location: France
Age: 47
Gender: female
Posts: 13,233
Default
I dont have to read all now, but Chuck and Jean Claude are ... "very special"
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 04:48 PM.

Bon Jovi - Dry County - Archive - Top

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11.
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.