Headlines!!

"Here is your government at work…"




"I don't quite get this… '$29.88 Solid Wood Mirrors.' I don't have to worry about crackin' that baby!"




"I don't want to take the mouse out. Just put it in the ad -- it'll be fine."






"Kev, I can see why you're a vegetarian."





"I realize cigarette butts are a big problem, but couldn't they have phrased this headline better?"





"'Starting a neighborhood watch program.' I think that's good to have somebody from the neighborhood keeping an eye on things that seem suspicious." "But I don't know if these are the guys who should be the neighborhood watch commanders. 'See anything, Lefty?' ' Nah, nuthin', boss.'"




"Who says celebrities are not intellectuals, huh?"





"'Open house -- new homes -- $160,000.' And then look at the fine print…" "'Actual homes not pictured.' THEN WHY PUT A PICTURE IN THERE?!"






"Here's the Original Pancake House. If you don't know how to get there, use their map. That's easy enough to follow, huh? There's no entrance to the star. You just keep driving in circles."





"'Found Larger white poodle resembling a dog.'"




"Either this person is very coy or… Hey, are you the lady with the cat for sale?"




"We just might as well give up. Our kids are so fat now they don't even try to pretend. 'Large kids' favorite pizza.' If you're a large kid, isn't every pizza your favorite pizza?"




"Here's 'Gatlinburg Honeymoon Specials. Exciting honeymoon specials. Cabins that sleep up to 8 people.' Well, that's a helluva honeymoon, isn't it?!"






"I'm sure this is a very good restaurant. I'm sure that they have delicious food -- it's just sometimes that the name of the restaurant is just enough to keep people away. Look, it's Sam-N-Ella's Restaurant! Come on down and try our chicken special!"






"I love this one! 'Congratulations to Shannon & Chris. (Not pictured.)' Shannon and Chris must be so unattractive that they put some nice-looking people in the shot instead."




"'Performance for a princess.' Awwwwwww. There's 'Linda Zhang, 5, sitting on her dad's shoulders as they watch the human table of death street performance.' In this holiday season, what says Christmas more than taking your 5-year-old to see 'the human table of death' performance!"






"Governor Ehrlich threatens to block same-sex marriages. I like his quote… 'Sticking your nose into consenting adults'?! That sounds like sodomy to me!"






"This is an ad for the Sheriff of Marion County. It says, 'We pledge to serve with honor and diligently protect the life in Marion County through community policing. Our core values -- Neatness, brotherhood, pride, shame…' Alright, 9 out of 10 isn't bad!"





"You know, people are so stupid! 'Bobbing for apples tin. Everyday will seem like a party this fall with this set of four floating apple candles.' But look what it says…"







"'Please don't bob for apples when lit.' Hey, my eye is on fire!!!"





"One thing about security cameras, boy, they catch ya! 'Two busted in grocery theft scheme.' There they are trying to escape -- to sneak out!!! We'll just tiptoe out the back here and no one will see us."





"What kind of sick puppy is this guy? There's a 'Teacher Barbie for sale. No panties. $200.' How do you even call that ad in? Did you get that, miss? No panties, right? Did you get that?"





"Can I even show this one? You'd think the photographer or somebody would've… It's all quite innocent. It just looks bad. He forms a 'clay rope for coiling pottery.' It just looks wrong!"







"And, finally… I wrestled when I was in high school and I don't remember this position. What position is that?"

Enjoy, it took me forever to make this post!

Ryan

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love the cat with no tail one and the pottery one!!!!

These are great!! I used to love watching Leno when he used to do the headlines. Really funny!

Tash

Thanks for that Ryan! So funny!

LOL

Thanks Ryan!

Thanks for posting Ryan I love when Leno does the "headlines"

Stephanie