how much can a person change?

kinda related to the jealousy thread and how it got talking about was it possible to change and an incident at work last night.


Long story short some arsehole tried to hit me in work last night. I dodged it, took control of the situation by being assertive and keeping cool and got them out of the pub with no more hassle involved. It was only after I thought about it that just over a year ago I would literally have climbed over the bar and started fighting wether it would have cost me my job or not and how much I've changed and grown in a relatively short space of time. I mean one of the only things I liked about my previous job was that if anyone shoplifted or tried to assualt you, you got to kick their ass and I wouldn't think twice about it but last night my main concern was keeping all the new staff safe, making sure it didn't escalate and glasses didn't start flying across the place and the last thing on my mind was trying to look like some macho gangster. kind of ironic considering i've took up boxing.

I have changed alot of things in my life over the past year and am a much more contented person as a result.

I'm just wondering if you think that it's the events solely that changes you or if it's how you deal and react to events over time that changes you and any major changes you've made in life and how it's changed toy personally.

little bit of psychology for a wednesday night.

Boxing is like Karate, Tai kwon do and all those sports, it will help you to gain self-control.

I trained Karate for 3 years, and it helped me to gain self-control and develop, it made me mature (perhaps just a little bit...).

Well at least you're not saying that religion changed your life

To answer your question I don't think that basic personalities change much at all. Your behavior may have changed due to maturing. That's called growing up - not necessarily changing yourself. People do mature and grow up but their core personality doesn't change much.

Kathleen

yeah but how do we know what our basic personalities are kathleen? as i said, this time a year ago the most natural thing for me to do would be to hit the guy because that's how i saw myself personally...

it's just kinda interesting me just now because in the run up to my birthdays i always get a little philosophical looking at the past year and i'#m reading a book about events that defined and changed Hitler and Stalin from the beginning of their political life to their deaths so I'm thinking, where they pre-destined to be like that or was it what happened during their time in power that changed and formed them into who they ultimately turned out to be.

Dp you have a girl?

I think Kathleen hit the nail on the head with the behavior you described as being maturation.

I believe real change in basic personality is rare. I also believe that it is usually due to a major life event and most often for the negative.If positive change was easy and lasting, psychologists would be out of jobs and there would be no need for AA, Weight Watchers, and the like. Those are the reasons I opted to go into psychometry (diagnostics) rather than counseling. I honestly do not believe most people can be "fixed."

no... not a serious relationship just now anyways?....

With great power comes great responsibility - Uncle Ben Parker.

The more responsibility you undertake, you either become a sort of monster or you start acting more responsibly. It sounds like you're aware you've "grown up" a bit in the last year, and that combined with your new "martial" knowledge may have given you a better sense of responsibility.

For myself, if someone shoplifts at my place of work and I can stop it without a problem, great. If I can't, well, it's in our budget. You threaten me or my coworkers...I'll try to de-escalate the situation. If that's not possible, regs. be damned, I'll fight to stop the threat.

I'm aware I've grown up. I talk less, and far less emotionally now. I use reason more instead of instinct. I'm an adult and I've decided to act like one. Funny, but I wish now that I could "loosen up" more.

Becoming a gun-owner gave me a deeper view of the simple act of staying alive and violence in general and why hurting others should be avoided if reasonably possible. While other people around make idle threats against others "do that again and you're going down" - that sort of thing, and say stuff like "I wish he'd just go away and die," I look down on that kind of talk now - it embarrasses me - and I never speak that way myself. It also gave me a small frame of reference to view what's wrong with the way humans treat each other - you can start to get just a small corner of the "picture" of war when you discover what you can do to another person and what they can do to you. Laugh if you want, it's the truth.

Adrian

Yes maturation ! the way you think changes with age too and by the past experiences you learn .... you see by your reactions if you did right or not, if you had what you wanted by this reaction or not ...
You can change, not "you" directly as a person but changing a bit, what's necessary yes i believe it's possible. If you want !

I am so proud of you