I am horrible

Yes this is a 'empathise with me' me thread.


One of my cats is missing since Sunday (I think).


I only let my cats out on the weekends and then only duringthe day. When we leave, they have to come back in and they are not supposed to stay out over night. I can't help it, but I must let them out. I grew up with cats that went outside and while I know it is the best for the cats to be inside only, part of me believes in the 'quality over quantity'. As I see it, cats love to go out and smell stuff and roll in the grass and smell the flowers, etc. and isn't it better to do that and maybe have your life cut short than to not be able to have some special enjoyment and live way longer? I don't know.

I know that for my own life, I pick the quality over quantity - within reason though. Anyway, this is about Felix.

So, on Sunday, I let the cats out on the back porch - the porch is covered and has a fence. They can, of course, jump over the fence which they often do to sniff around. Felix, though, isn't too keen on going out - and if he does he usually just sits in the chair and watches the people walk by on the hiking trail. It's been pouring rain, which makes them stay on the porch - they don't like to get wet. My son and I went to the mall on Sunday and when we were about to leave, I told him to bring the cats in. He dilly-dallied and I yelled at him to hurry up - he had just picked up Felix, but when I yelled, Felix jumped off his arms. I told him not to worry and we'll get him when we get home. Felix was gone by then.

He's been gone since. He was a dopey kinda guy anyway. I got him at 1 week old and had to supplement feed him with a syringe cause he was the runt and at 1 week only half the weight of his littermates. He was a push over and never fought for the nipple. I had the entire litter and mom - I fostered them until they were ready for adoption through the humane society. When I picked them up at the shelter to foster them, they told me to be emotionally prepared that he won't make it. They said there was no reasonable chance for him to make it. So, I went out and bought a tiny bottle and as he didn't get it, I got a syringe to squirt food (which I cooked for him) in his mouth. He did indeed make it. I was thrilled. My son was thrilled who helped with the feedings of course. I guess because he was partially hand fed, he was a total dope. Even as an adult he put up with anything. My son would lay flat on the hardwood floor on his tummy and tuck Felix under his chin and they'd slither around like that. *rolls eyes* My puppy dog would grab him by a piece of skin and drag him across the living room. When I freaked and separated the two they both looked at me like 'what did you do that for?'. Because he was so 'ok' with everything, I know he had zero survival instinct. He'd never defend himself - ever. I kept 3 kittens from that litter. (I intended to keep 2 and the mom, but mom died on me too --- something about me?) So, we kept the three kittens that were attached to us the most: Felix who LOVED my son. My son would sit on the sofa and Felix would sit on the back of the sofa and groom his hair. Fantasia who loves me. She'd crawl under the covers at night and sleep against my lower back. And Floyd who truly believes he is my dogs baby. He sleeps curled up with my old dog and when he was a little kitten, he'd try and nurse off her. Crazy bunch I know.

Anyway, where I live we have tons of wildlife (read predators). There are regular bear sightings, but they don't eat cats. I see coyotes all the time when I walk my dogs in the morning. Not just in the distance, but in the field across the trail - some 20 feet away. I love the coyotes. Deers of course - everywhere, all the time. Bats. (I just realized that I must have ruined my hearing after all ... when I was a kid, I could hear bats. It was a mix between hearing and sensing - it was almost as if I felt it in my lower neck, but still heard something. I hated it. It was a very freaky feeling and certainly not simply hearing. I now walk the dogs at night by the ponds and at full moon I can see the bats cruising by and I don't hear them anymore at all.....) Once, when my dog was still a tiny puppy, we were challenged by a bobcat .... freaky, freaky, indeed. There are supposed to be cougars, but I have not seen one yet. All this is right outside my window. I am the last house of my subdivision and I back to a greenbelt and border to a hiking trail. On the other side of the trail is brush and then the woods start. On the other side of the road are ponds, trails, and endless woods. I love it of course and I knew it was dangerous for the cats, but I also know that coyotes can't make it up on my porch and cougars wouldn't come this close to people.... Or would they?

I'm assuming Felix did stroll around the brushes after all and met up with a coyote and didn't realize it wasn't a puppy wanting to play. I feel horrid. I snooped around this morning - went down to the edge of the woods (I don't ever get that close - I am a bit scared, I guess - not of the coyotes or deer, but the bears - though they should be in their winter quarters by now) and my dogs started sniffing very excitedly. I searched the ground and found some little clumps of fur - white fur. Felix was all black. Nonetheless, somebody lost a life there, I guess.

My son is devastated. He revised his christmas wish list and 'Slave I' (a lego star wars space ship) got bumped off #1 and replaced with Felix.

I don't know if I should tell him crap about maybe a kid found Felix and wanted to keep him or tell him the (most likely) truth that Felix became part of the food chain and enriched a coyotes diet.

I feel horrible, cause I knew better........

..awww that's really sad. I had a cat go missing...he too was a total dope and no survival instinct..trust anyone...we put posters up, rang vets and animal shelters..he was inique as he has 8 toes and one thumb on each front paw.

It's tough whan they go missing as you never really know..I like to think ours is snugged up somewhere with another family...He was always jumping in cars and go for rides. But our neighbours saw some gun dogs in the field when he went missing.

But as we don't know for sure I'm being optomistic...it feels a little better. My kids will sometime still ask (he went missing 3 yrs ago)..I wonder what happened to Jimbob?...and I always say..I reckon he's tucked up somewhere warm making another family laugh with his antics.

You're not horrible, Maria. Don't be silly.
The apartment I lived in prior to the current one, is located right beside a busy road. I had two cats while I was living there and they both wanted to get outside every now and then. I did let them out when I was at home, but one day I saw Chewie cross the street while a car was approaching and it was a really close call - an inch further and Chewie would've been hit. I decided there and then that they couldn't go out anymore, but I always felt bad about that decision, because I knew how much Chewie loved it outside. Fortunately, he's a very easygoing cat and he was alright with it until we moved to this apartment, where he can go outside again.
30 years ago, my parents made the same decision for their cat as I made with Chewie and for the same reasons and it didn't work out too well; their cat tore the whole place apart and managed to escape anyway, so he could tear the neighbors' places as well. They finally had to put him down.

Making decisions about quantity and quality of life always is a hard one and I myself am always wondering if I made the right decision. Sometimes it turns out it was the right decision, sometimes it doesn't. So don't be so hard on yourself - you did what you thought was best.

I do hope Felix will show up again. There's still hope.

that's a shame. i don't like cats too much but it's still a little living thing.

you could tell the wee man that you think felix finally decided to go outside and enjoyed it so much he ran off to live in the woods like nature intended so he'll be happy out there...


then if he does come back you can just say he was a wimp after all and didn't like the idea of not sleeping on a massive warm bed

My (now dead )cat escaped from the cattery that he was in while we were on holiday once, I think he was missing for about 2 -3 weeks, but was found eventually .... so the moral of the story is, don't give up hope!

Just tell it like it is... "son, the cat's dead. Ripped apart it was, lots of blood and guts everywhere. It wasnt a quick death either, my boy. The coyotes teased and tortured him, biting off one limb at a time. They played with his still twitching corpse whist howling at the moon. So, you might as well rewrite your chistmas list, because theres a hell of a better chance of seeing star wars again than what there is our beloved felix. Now, what do you want for dinner?"

He'll appreciate the honesty?

Geez, that's not even slightly funny! Bah.

Actually, if you knew Paul at all, you would find it at least a BIT funny

In this context though, it's not funny.

Really? Why?