Jovitalk - Bon Jovi Fan Community
Home Register Members FAQ
 

I was sexually harassed at work yesterday

NBJ - Everything Else


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-05-2016, 06:50 PM
Becky's Avatar
Becky Becky is offline
Retired Super Moderator
Crush
 
Join Date: 30 Jul 2002
Location: Mississippi
Gender: female
Posts: 20,293
Default I was sexually harassed at work yesterday

I'll spare you the raunchy details, but someone kept asking me some personal, intrusive questions yesterday. I told the person, "I'm not going to answer that"; "You're making me uncomfortable"; "You're embarrassing me"; and I tried several times to change the subject. There was another person privy to the conversation and she also said, "You're making her face turn as red as her lipstick" to tell the person that I was embarrassed and uncomfortable with the conversation. I finally told them, "I haven't had lunch yet and I have a migraine. I have to go to the office and write reports." That's the short version.

I was so upset and flustered by the time I got to the office that I COULDN'T write reports. I couldn't even score tests correctly (which I can do in my sleep). But I felt like *I* had done something wrong! I wanted to talk to my supervisor about it, but she was gone for the day. I did talk to the school psychologist about it and she made me feel a little bit better, but I don't want to go back to that school because I'm afraid of seeing this person and what they will say to me or what they might have said about me since this conversation.

I don't want to file a formal complaint because I don't want to stir up trouble, especially with this person. Things between the SPED department and this school aren't great as it is. But I don't want to have to deal with this kind of intrusive, inappropriate, unprofessional, disgusting language either.

What would you do? Would you let it go for the sake of keeping the peace? Is it more important to look at the bigger picture?
__________________
Life is short. Be sure to spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing about politics and entertainment.
Reply With Quote

  #2  
Old 03-05-2016, 07:12 PM
samboraisgodUK's Avatar
samboraisgodUK samboraisgodUK is offline
Senior Member
These Days
 
Join Date: 18 May 2007
Location: Sheffield, UK
Age: 29
Gender: male
Posts: 2,418
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Becky View Post
I'll spare you the raunchy details, but someone kept asking me some personal, intrusive questions yesterday. I told the person, "I'm not going to answer that"; "You're making me uncomfortable"; "You're embarrassing me"; and I tried several times to change the subject. There was another person privy to the conversation and she also said, "You're making her face turn as red as her lipstick" to tell the person that I was embarrassed and uncomfortable with the conversation. I finally told them, "I haven't had lunch yet and I have a migraine. I have to go to the office and write reports." That's the short version.

I was so upset and flustered by the time I got to the office that I COULDN'T write reports. I couldn't even score tests correctly (which I can do in my sleep). But I felt like *I* had done something wrong! I wanted to talk to my supervisor about it, but she was gone for the day. I did talk to the school psychologist about it and she made me feel a little bit better, but I don't want to go back to that school because I'm afraid of seeing this person and what they will say to me or what they might have said about me since this conversation.

I don't want to file a formal complaint because I don't want to stir up trouble, especially with this person. Things between the SPED department and this school aren't great as it is. But I don't want to have to deal with this kind of intrusive, inappropriate, unprofessional, disgusting language either.

What would you do? Would you let it go for the sake of keeping the peace? Is it more important to look at the bigger picture?
File a formal complaint. This kind of behaviour cannot be tolerated and to stamp it out it relies on people reporting it when it occurs. By ignoring it it lets the perpetrator get away with it and the whole cycle continues.
__________________
13.06.2006 - KC STADIUM, HULL
22.06.2008 - ETIHAD STADIUM, MANCHESTER
19.06.2010 - 02 ARENA, LONDON
24.06.2011 - LCCC, MANCHESTER
25.06.2011 - HYDE PARK, LONDON
16.10.2012 - RICHIE - SHEPHERD'S BUSH, LONDON
0̶8̶.̶0̶6̶.̶2̶0̶1̶3̶ ̶-̶ ̶E̶T̶I̶H̶A̶D̶ ̶S̶T̶A̶D̶I̶U̶M̶,̶ ̶M̶A̶N̶C̶H̶E̶S̶T̶E̶R̶
05.07.2013 - HYDE PARK, LONDON
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-05-2016, 11:36 PM
rocknation's Avatar
rocknation rocknation is offline
Senior Member
Something for the Posts
 
Join Date: 08 Sep 2002
Location: Undisclosed Location NJ
Gender: female
Posts: 3,055
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Becky View Post
What would you do? Would you let it go for the sake of keeping the peace? Is it more important to look at the bigger picture?
A bigger picture -- like this one?


File the complaint, especially since you've got a witness. I doubt you're alone, especially since it sounds like this person is in a powerful position.
__________________
rocknation

Remember how we used to talk about busting out? We'd break their hearts together...forever...



You and me and our old friends / hoping it would never end / holding on to never say goodbye...

Last edited by rocknation; 03-06-2016 at 10:12 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-06-2016, 01:38 AM
Becky's Avatar
Becky Becky is offline
Retired Super Moderator
Crush
 
Join Date: 30 Jul 2002
Location: Mississippi
Gender: female
Posts: 20,293
Default

Everywhere I've gone for the last month, people keep telling me, "You look great!" I don't know what the difference is, but this person picked up on it too and decided to turn it into something sexual and disgusting.

One piece of advice someone gave me is that I shouldn't start dressing down just because of how this person made me feel. I should keep doing my hair and makeup and wearing my jewelry (I sell Tocara jewelry so I deck out every day) and nice clothes. I should NOT wilt which IS my impulse... to not dress up or make myself look nice. I still feel like I did something wrong just because I dared to "pretty up."
__________________
Life is short. Be sure to spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing about politics and entertainment.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-06-2016, 11:46 AM
Mongoose's Avatar
Mongoose Mongoose is offline
PLAY KING OF THE MOUNTAIN...
I Don't Want To Post Forever
 
Join Date: 30 Jul 2002
Location: Sheffield
Age: 38
Gender: male
Posts: 13,330
Default

If you don't want to cause trouble, you could try telling them that if they ever speak to you like that again you'll be filing an official complaint faster than Richie can snort coke. It'll either work or they'll ignore you, in which case you report them. It's possible this idiot isn't aware how they make people feel with stuff like this
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-06-2016, 09:55 PM
Kathleen's Avatar
Kathleen Kathleen is offline
Jovitalk Award Winner
I'll Post When I'm Dead
 
Join Date: 05 Feb 2003
Location: New Jersey
Age: 73
Gender: female
Posts: 17,175
Send a message via AIM to Kathleen Send a message via MSN to Kathleen
Default

Goose has a point - you could try to give a single - very strong - warning. And if that doesn't work - file the damn complaint. YOU have done nothing wrong. Surely you are aware that any woman who looks good can be made to feel guilty about that - and if rape or sexual harassment is involved they are made to feel guilty for looking good and "asking for it." I say bullshit and you shouldn't perpetrate that system. Stand up for yourself and show that you will NOT be treated that way.
__________________

You write your truth and I'll write mine.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-07-2016, 08:16 PM
bjcrazycpa's Avatar
bjcrazycpa bjcrazycpa is offline
Senior Member
Jovi Geek
 
Join Date: 30 Aug 2002
Location: Weehawken, NJ
Age: 57
Gender: female
Posts: 6,866
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mongoose View Post
If you don't want to cause trouble, you could try telling them that if they ever speak to you like that again you'll be filing an official complaint faster than Richie can snort coke. It'll either work or they'll ignore you, in which case you report them. It's possible this idiot isn't aware how they make people feel with stuff like this
I'm sorry Becky that you had to be subjected to such behavior. Unfortunately, over my career I've been subject to it a few times and I did just what Goose suggested and it worked meaning I never had to escalate the complaint after I talked with the individual. Good luck!!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-08-2016, 02:54 PM
Becky's Avatar
Becky Becky is offline
Retired Super Moderator
Crush
 
Join Date: 30 Jul 2002
Location: Mississippi
Gender: female
Posts: 20,293
Default

I reported it in writing to my supervisor which is what I'm supposed to do. I'm not breaking the chain of command that way. I spent all day yesterday waiting for the shoe to drop, wondering if the superintendent or someone from human resources was going to want to talk to me. I had indigestion all day long and couldn't sleep Sunday night or last night.
__________________
Life is short. Be sure to spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing about politics and entertainment.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-09-2016, 07:30 PM
Bleeding Purist's Avatar
Bleeding Purist Bleeding Purist is offline
The Voice of Reason
Destination any Forum
 
Join Date: 29 Jul 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Age: 48
Gender: male
Posts: 4,067
Default

Through all the years where they have held training for Sexual Harassment at work, they have always encouraged letting the offender know in no uncertain terms that the comments are not welcome, then moving forward with filing an official complaint if they persist. This helps determine the intent. If the offender ignores your warning, then the intent to harm is plain. You don't really have that right now.

Everyone is different and while your reaction is valid, the next person targeted (and that may be too strong of a word) may simply laugh or feel attractive. That may have been the intent behind the offender in your case. In my work, such joking around goes on all day long and no harm is meant.

I think you would have found more immediate peace of mind and resolution had you given this person clear warning and an opportunity to apologize.
__________________
I said, all it's about is the boy checked out, he couldn't handle reality.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-10-2016, 02:07 AM
Becky's Avatar
Becky Becky is offline
Retired Super Moderator
Crush
 
Join Date: 30 Jul 2002
Location: Mississippi
Gender: female
Posts: 20,293
Default

David, what part of "I'm not answering that;" "You're making me feel uncomfortable;" and "You're embarrassing me" was not clear enough? ANY ONE of those statements should have shut down the conversation, especially since there was a 3rd person in the room also telling the person "You're embarrassing her. Her face is turning as red as her lipstick."

We KEPT trying to change the subject. Other than saying "Shut the **** up" which I can't say because I was in a professional setting, I think I was VERY clear that I was uncomfortable and embarrassed and wanted the person to stop their side of the conversation.
__________________
Life is short. Be sure to spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing about politics and entertainment.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +2. The time now is 05:10 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11.
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.