I'm sorry to do this again...but you guys give good advice..

hey,

like i said i hate to do this again...but i can't really talk to this with my friends cause they're too involved it you get what i mean.....

i posted a while ago about my friend wanting to move to america, to be with some guy she's met on the net...

well i've just recently learned she's been cutting herself..she says she likes the adrenaline rush...it makes her feel better.....i know she used to do it...but it seems to be gettin' progressively worse...ever since she moved house a few years back...

but now i'm beginning to seriously worry about her...her parents marriage is at best rocky...a year or so a go we went through a period of not speaking...due to exams and stuff..for about a month or two and she got to know this other girl who was what you could call a BAD INFLUENCE...and i know she started smokin' and drinkin' and doin' drugs....i guess i wrongly assumed it was just a phase....cause just recently she admitted to me that she still used drugs....
she has over 30 piercin's...and i'm not sayin' this is the case for everybody obviously - but i think it may be some other form of self harm...she doesnt' get them cause she likes them - she gets them for the sake of it...(not that i have anythin' against piercin's you understand).....

she can't get a job because of the way she looks. .and she didn't do too well in her exams...i know she feels lonely..i'm her only friend - more like a sister really....but now i think she's deliberately sabotagin' her chances of gettin' a job...the thing is she's capable of so much...she's smart and friendly and intelligent...but i have a horrible feelin' she's goin' to ruin her life before it's really started......

she wont see a counselor or ask for help...and i honestly dont' know what to do....i know i can't force her to seek help...and somebody suggested i jsut wait....but i'm frightened to wait for too long..i dont' know if i should talk to her parents or not....i know she doesnt' want me to...but i don't know what i should to do help her....i hate seein' her like this..

has anybody dealt with somethin' like this before? any advice or suggestions...i really don't know what to do...

If she won't talk to a counselor (and she needs more than counseling) and she won't do anything to help herself, you may have no option but to talk with her parents. I assume she's young enough that her parents have legal rights over her. If she's doing self-mutilation, drinking, and drugs, she needs to be committed to a psychiatric unit for intensive therapy and probably psychiatric medication. She sounds like suicide risk who needs immediate and intense help.

It won't be easy to talk with her parents and she may hate you for doing so. But you have to decide whether it's more important for her to like and trust you or for her to receive the help she needs. You can only do so much. She and her parents have to take some steps too. If she's walking around with 30 piercings and scars from cutting herself, it sounds like the parents are oblivious or ignoring the problem. Just keep in mind that you can't make her change and you can't make her parents listen, but you can try.

Becky

My girlfriend cuts herself sometimes too... It's pretty bad, aint it? I dunno if this is whats best in all cases, but I try to emotionally blackmail her, telling her not to do it because I don't want her to, and that I'll be an alternative painkiller for her. I've also asekd her if she wants to be someone who walks around with scars over her arms, if thats the person she really wants to be. I think it helps. Those are just some suggestions, but like I said, I dunno if it will work in all cases

Keep On Rockin'

If she's into drugs, go to the police. They'll at least put her off that for a while, maybe make her go through detox or something. Have you talked to her about it? Talking to her parents should be the first step, but if she's cutting herself and has 30+ piercings, it sounds like they don't care much. Also, talk to like a minister or something, they might be able to recommend something. They get lots of questions about stuff like that, and might be able to recommend something (besides prayer). You could also call a substance abuse hotline and ask them what to do about her. Go through the phone book, usually they have stuff like that in the front.

Adrian

They may also arrest her. Possibly not the best option

Keep On Rockin'

if she's doing drugs and drinking she falls in the category with pretty much every older teenager in the west so making a big deal out of it isn;t going to make anything better, probably worse. u need to start worrying if she's doing anything like and to a lesser extent coke (but if she hasn;t got a job i doubt she'll be able to afford charlie)

anyways maybe u just need to sit down, just the both of you and tyry and really find out y she's doing what she's doing.

make it clear to her how worried she is and try and find out y she cuts herself (adrenaline is such a bullshit excuse) if u want an adrenaline rush go and buy a can of red bull, don;t take a kinife to ur arm.

try and reason with her and let her know how worried you are for her and tell her that if she doesn't open up to you and tries to help herself then u'll tell her parent's, doctors ro whatever to try and get her help and you would rather her fall out with you and her get help then u not do nothing and her stay the same.

Becky , do you spell counsellor stateside with only one L ? Here in the UK we use 2 Ls

Dawn

American English spells most things that UK English doubles with one L, i.e. travel, cancel

Needed to know that for my course.. sorry for answering your question Becky!!

Tash

Arrest is bad, but not horrible. If she found out it was you, that'd probably end your friendship, but given the chance to straighten her out, I think it'd be worth the risk. And even if she's arrested, they won't put her in the slammer for using, at least not here they won't. Ultimately, it comes back to her though. Someone I know was an alcoholic, and his family would drive up once or twice a year and make him go through detox after an incident, when he came back out, he'd start all over again. When he finally figured out that he was really being a lousy father for his kids, he cleaned up his act. I think he just celebrated 10 years clean. So its really up to her.

Adrian

a mutual friend suggested i might wanna have a word with her mum....i'm not too sure myself...i know she wouldn't want me to talk to her parents behind her back...and i don't know how they'd react....but at the same time they may just need somebody to point it out to them.....