I didn’t mean to criticise anyone’s behaviour. Sincere apologies for any offence. But it felt somehow, that you have been missing a truly deep personal connection.

You have talked about wanting love to be like a drug, and it seems you want that initial attraction to be what sustains a relationship. The expectation that finding someone irresistible in a passionate sense seems unrealistic to me and not something that that much weight should be put on.

I had at all times been referring to "love" as something that exists between two people, yet somehow almost independently of them - a force that guides them.

I was realising earlier today I may have to justify/better-explain myself.

You describe an absolutely horrific experience that anyone would do well to survive.

I don't want to get into trading horror stories so publicly, but I think to the abusive behaviour traded between my parents for example, and there's just no way at all that is the product of "love" as I understand it.

"Love" pretty much by definition does not lead to that kind of behaviour.

I would question whether she ever truly loved you.

But I could also imagine, that if we have experienced love in a similar fashion, that for all that woman put you through, that you could from your heart still want things to turn out well for her. As much as you would obviously want her no where near!