Jealousy and insecurities

I'll agree to the extent that jealousy stems form insecurity wth yourself and if you can change that (which I think you can) then it's easier not to be jealous.

I don't think that insecurity is something that is easily changed. In fact, I don't think one can overcome sever insecurities at all. Just like some people are so full of themselves, virtually nothing will knock them down.

I'm pretty sure it's something that is very hard to change. But if a person is willing and within a good relationship, then it can be done.

Of course a person can change, people change what they believe and value all the time, and most times they're not even concious of it.

Jealousy and insecurity come from either a lack of self-confidence or a belief that people in relationships can't be trusted and that belief obviously has a reference to that person. Either s/he has been cheated on in the past, perhaps one of the persons parents or friends cheated or got cheated on or maybe he's just seen so many movies and TV shows where people cheat that s/he has developed an absolute belief that people just cheat and that's it.

If it's an insecurity issue, then there are many simple ways to build a persons confidence.
More then likely, the main factor is a limmiting belief that people in general cheat and that can easily be changed too. Right, it's important to understand that your beliefs govern how you'll act and if can imagine a strongly held belief like a table-top supported by many different legs then the way you break that belief is to chop away at those support legs. And how you do it, is to get the person to question if what they believe really is true or really is rational.
Ask him or her, Do all people in relationships cheat? Of course not. Give him examples of people who have been together for years and neither has ever cheated.

If he has been cheated on in the past, dose that mean he'll be cheated on in the future? Of course not, the past dosen't equal the future unless you live in it.

Questions like that weaken his belief and give him new references for how people behave in relationships. Then you've gotta make him realise that what he was doing before was just living in fear and unless he lets go of that old belief he's never gonna be happy because he'll never be able to have any sort of relationship if he can't trust his partner. What you are doing there is linking a huge amount of emotional pain to holding onto an old belief and a person always acts out a need to avoid pain or a desire to gain pleasure.

He obviously believes that acting in a jealousy way will eventually save him from the pain of being cheated on because to him, that's just what people do and it's only a metter of time till it happens to him. Once you show him that infact, that's not what people do and that's certainly not what you do, he'll start to become more trusting. You're breaking the legs from that table-top. Then, when you link even greater levels of pain (being alone forever) to holding onto that old belief, he'll have to move away from it and let go of that belief and in a short period of time, if you or anybody stays faithful to him, he'll develop a new belief that people are trustworthy and even though some people cheat, there are many that don't.

If you really do care about somebody, don't give up on them just because you think they can't change. They certainly can. Think about it, he wasn't born with that belief, he developed it from somewhere and if he did it once he can definitely develop a new one.



Phil