I am sorry to hear about your troubles sikkbones. I truly can imagine the pain and agony you must be going through.

As hard as it is, I think it shows tremendous strength in character on your part to go through custody battles and to actually WANT to be a father to your son. So many parents don't even bother.

The only thing I can say is that you have to always keep in mind what is the best for your son. Regardless of your relationship and feelings for your sons mother, or how she acts, YOU have to be doing the right thing. You have to consider what is in the best interest of your child. Mudslinging is not one of them (as you know).

I have joint custody with my ex over our son and it often is hard to be subjected to his immaturity and general meanness, but I know I cannot act like him as it just wouldn't be healthy for my son.

Don't feel bad about the fact that history seems to repeat itself. So many things are out of our control, but at least you KNOW what is the best thing to do now -- unlike your parents might have -- and you will take a different course with your son.

I truly admire you for your desire to make a difference in your sons life. Think about the long run, eventually you'll reap the rewards and enjoy watching your son growing up.