Marriage and Living together.....

yes you do. YOu need to know each and every detail of a person before you walk down the aisle ---- believe me, marriage is a big enough challange for everyone - don't need to add the 'not knowing each other factor' into the mix.

I very much agree with this. Plus often it is a control issue too.



But in the end, it all depends on what people are willing to put up with. I have a friend who is in a (in my opinion) unacceptably controlling relationship with her husband. He tells her what to do and how. She makes excuses for it and puts up with everything because 'marriage just ain't easy'. Then, there are people that divorce within a week cause it just isn't what they thought it would be.....

The middle ground is somewhere in between and can't be defined that easily.

I never said it was a bad thing, we all have family traditions that we keep and stay out of.
You're a bit defensive today aren't you??
All I said is that Marriage is mostly because of those things, in the larger scales you know?
While when you live together, you know if your relationship works while you're living within the same roof.
So it's helpfull when you look at it this way.
If you get married without knowing and/or testing that then you're kinda stuck you know?

I'm not saying get married wiht out knowing much about a person. All i'm saying that u know a lot about a person without staying together.

I always think "whatever floats your boat" :P

Seriously now, my opinion is as long as there is love and trust and all the things that are necessary for a relationship it's all right.

For me, I guess marriage implies a sort of commitment, if it's only a paper. Not meaning I wouldn't live with someone if we were not married, because I'd be fine with that. But in the end, without being obsessed about it or anything, I'd want to tie the knot

I don't believe in marriage in general anyway, I really don't need a ring or a piece of paper to say I want to be with someone.

But that aside, I think you have a bit of a romantic idea about marriage Allwyn. It isn't what it used to be. Nowadays couples can have the same amount of rights whether they are married or not. You don't need to be maaried anymore to buy a house or to even have children. I think it is very sweet that you want to keep some things mysterious, but like Maria said you had better know who you are marrying beforehand as divorce is a costly business.

I see living together as trying it all out anyway. What if you are just 2 totally different people, better to know beforehand.

But to have those same rights you also need to sign on a paper so, what's the real difference between living together "formally" and marriage?

If you just live together without singing the paper that says you're living with your partner there's no legal difference between being just room-mates. It's oh so nice to say "I don't need to have it written down that I'm in love with someone" but when things happen sometimes you need that backup IMO.

And that's why gay couples want to legalise their situation, because otherwise they're nothing but "housemates".

So IMO there's no difference between living "formally" together and being married. Only one it's cooler than the other...

I do agree that living together before getting married is a nice way to know each other's pet-peeves and all that. Those tiny things that seem insignificant but at the end of the day really get on your nerves :P

But living together before marriage doesn't means u have suecssful marriage right?. You may have a great time living toghet for short term, but after that it also can turn bad right. And well if i want to think about divorce and how much it cost me for that before marriage then i don't trust that person and it is basically looking forward for break up at somewhere along the way. For me if u don't trust a other person that much then it is not point in talking about marriage really. Well as i said i don;t have anything against living together and may be i do the same one day don;t know. But i rather have relationship outside living together and then marry coz i'm sure u can know about that person being in outside relationship.
And i don't think anything lost in marriage these day( i see my two sister good example and also few friends). It is all about how u work out and not letting ur ego comes in a way. Hehehe i do have romantic bone in me And it may be disapear one day don't know

Nothing guarentees a successful marriage!!! It can depend on so many factors.


That is not what I meant. I'm just saying that it might be more costlier not knowing someone than knowing what you have. I'm not saying that if you don't live together divorce is something to think of!


No, there is a difference. This is a contract that is drawn up that usually states what belongs to me and what to him and what will happen to the house and any other assets should we split up. That is a big difference from promising to "love and cherish, in sickness and in health for as long as we both may live." A living together contract does not bind me to that person, but to the situation we are choosing to live in.. to me there is a big difference.

That's the same as a divorce then, isn't it? And now call me naïve, but I do think that beginning a marriage / relationship / whatever thinking about the possible ways to end it is quite pessimistic. Not saying you should be oblivious to them but focusing on them is scary to me.

In marriage you decide whether you want to share everything or make it clear what belongs to whom. It's your choice. Nobody imposes on you that you have to share everything.

I do think both are the same. But as I said I believe in these matters it's whatever floats your boat

A lot of people don't marry until they have kids. A father who is not married to the child's mother doesn't have any rights (here in Germany). If they split for some reason it can happen that he never ever sees his kid again but has to pay for it. Another pro-marriage-reason here are taxes for example when your partner dies. If you are not married you have to pay more taxes than someone who is married.

I personally wouldn't marry again.