Marriage and Living together.....

Dawn · #41 10-25-2004, 10:56 PM

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Originally Posted by spunkywho

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Originally Posted by Dawn

then if its the real deal why dont people get married and make it real, because in general they cant commit and want an easy way out.

because not everyone shares the same religious beliefs - marriage is mostly a religious thing - then a money and legal issue - and then a form of self-expression. Nothing to do with it being the real deal or not. Most people don't even know what the real deal is and assume something is when in fact it isn't.

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If you dont agree with my opinion then fine , Ive obviously hit a raw nerve
that you feel you need to accuse me of playing games!!!!!!

no, you did not strike a nerve of mine as I don't really care about the issue one way or the other. and no, I am not accusing you of anything - I was just wondering about those games as you accuse people of 'playing house' when they merely live together.

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Usually a couple in a solid relationship want to sign a contract of marriage, they want the relationship to be solid and to be seen that way.

have to disagree. I think most people get married because of outside pressure and because of expectations from the girl/family/friends/etc. People who want a relationship to be solid and seen that way - will achieve that through the way they treat each other and respect each other, not a rock on her finger.

Women are still brought up made to believe that if the guy doesn't propose in a certain amount of time he is 'afraid of committment' and women are still put under pressure when they are not married or engaged by the time they are in their late twenties and are viewed as 'weird' and 'why does nobody want her'. The whole talk about how much more meaningful 'living together' is once you have a ring on your finger just exasperates that pressure and I resent that. I think it is very dangerous talk and does an extreme disservice to all young and impressionable females.

(off my feminist soap box lol)

I really dont understand why 2 people would choose to just live together rather than marry, it does seem to me as a poor excuse for a non committed relationship otherwise why wouldnt they get married. Ive ehard the they dont believe in marriage as an instituation , but look at why they dont beleive this, if they think marriage is just a piece of paper then why commit at all to anyone, live to gether is a marriage wothout the paperwork !!!!! Why not prove the institution wrong and make marriage work. At the end of the day, marriage and I mean any kind of marriage and Ive seen a few weird ones is dictacted by the 2 people involoved and no one else.

I agree with the last paragraph Spunky. However I dont think women are under as much pressure to marry now, a lot of women are more career minded now and choose to wait and a lot more choose to never marry .

Dawn

Adrian · #42 10-26-2004, 01:28 AM

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Originally Posted by Jim Bon Jovi

exactly what's such a bad idea about living together before getting married apart from the daft idea of people living in sin?

seriously I'm interested to hear soem opinions on this one.

It's not daft to me.

The only woman I live with will be the one I've married (barring some strange, unforseen loss of my current morals, or some strange, unforseen situation that at this time I cannot imagine). It's just something I believe. It's also why I plan on dating for a long time. I hope whoever I do wind up with understands that. Or will still want to be with me despite my odd beliefs in that area.

Adrian

Jim Bon Jovi · #43 10-26-2004, 01:39 AM

your fulyl entitled to your belief adrian, I just personally think it's a much better idea to tread the water 1st.

i know SOOOOOOOOOOOO many people who have moved in together then seriously fell out cause they couldn't stand each other. better that than being married and stuck.

and being married DOES mean you have to put up with alot more shit for both people involved because you'#re bound by it which isn't a good thing.

spunkywho · #44 10-26-2004, 03:49 AM

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Originally Posted by Jim Bon Jovi

i know SOOOOOOOOOOOO many people who have moved in together then seriously fell out cause they couldn't stand each other.

Yes, I do too. I also know tons of people who got married after moving in together and are 'supposedly' happily married still. I have a friend who has been living with her boyfriend longer than I can remember - he wants to marry her, she doesn't want to hear a thing about it because she is afraid he'll change after they signed on the line. Then, I know people who did not live together before they got married and they seem to be happy.

I truly don't think that one way is better than the other. I don't think what makes a marriage work has as much to do with the little quirks each person has, but with the expectation and willingness to compromise both partners bring with. The only working marriages I see are either 1. where one of the two took complete control and the other turned into a puppet or 2. they 'just' work, because they completely and fully respect each other, are willing to compromise, are willing to put their egos aside, and have a truly realistic view of what to expect of the other person.

The second one does not have too much to do with living together - it has to do with expectations and willingness to compromise. I too believe that you can really get to know each other, without living together --- though, I think it will take longer and will take a lot more effort --- effort being something very few people want to put forth.

Whew, I can't believe I just said all that --- doesn't really sound like me.... hmmm...

cih_hr · #45 10-26-2004, 10:51 AM

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Originally Posted by allmike

Is it better to live together before marriage?.

I think the best if people are living together without the marriage. But, it's just my oppinion.

Nat

allmike · #46 10-26-2004, 12:56 PM

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Originally Posted by spunkywho

Yes, I do too. I also know tons of people who got married after moving in together and are 'supposedly' happily married still. I have a friend who has been living with her boyfriend longer than I can remember - he wants to marry her, she doesn't want to hear a thing about it because she is afraid he'll change after they signed on the line. Then, I know people who did not live together before they got married and they seem to be happy.

So true, i see my sisters and some of my friends are who are happy married after so many years and no it not that they just there coz they are married, i still see so much love between them and they are like still newly married couples

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I truly don't think that one way is better than the other. I don't think what makes a marriage work has as much to do with the little quirks each person has, but with the expectation and willingness to compromise both partners bring with. The only working marriages I see are either 1. where one of the two took complete control and the other turned into a puppet or 2. they 'just' work, because they completely and fully respect each other, are willing to compromise, are willing to put their egos aside, and have a truly realistic view of what to expect of the other person.

You know my friend who is hindu married to christan and they are happly married and no she didn't convert to hindu but she particpate in there religon festival and same he do with her relgion festival. Well he says it is not always easy especially there is culture differnce but at the end of the day they give respect to each other and totally understand each other and not only them but also there parents

. It is always pleasure to meet them really

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The second one does not have too much to do with living together - it has to do with expectations and willingness to compromise. I too believe that you can really get to know each other, without living together --- though, I think it will take longer and will take a lot more effort --- effort being something very few people want to put forth.

That what i was trying to make a point, u don't really need to live togethet to know a person

yeah ofcourse it take time but as i said i rather know enough about a person by this way and go for marriage coz that way i think there is something left for marriage

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Whew, I can't believe I just said all that --- doesn't really sound like me.... hmmm...

hehehe me too

Well i'm surpised that u still think this way really and acutally i'm rally glad u think this way

:P

Marriage and Living together.....

NBJ - Everything Else