Marriage??

So if I'm dating seriously again and again the girlfriend talks about wanting to get married eventually.

So what's the deal with marriage. It is just a legal contract between two people nowadays. The vows aren't the vows wich the were originaly were few lightyears away. I see people divorcing just as easy as breaking up a relationship, there isn't any difference. With the new 'speed' divorcement, people can divorce in 5 minutes, as long as their is a agreement for the kids.
So all that's left is a contract and all nonsens stuff, a big party wich is only fun if your attending because can't get pissed as the groom (right word?).

So what's the value, I don't mind signing a contract but what's all the fuzz about? Isn't it all a (commercial) lie anno 2007?

The deal is someone you love and want to wake up with every day, for the rest of your lives, standing up before your friends, family, country (and maybe god) and making a promise to give everything they have to make you happy, every day, forever.

It would mean you're the luckiest person in the world.

Personally, I think it shows commitment and a common project. Commitment not so much because you sign on the dotted line, because - as you say - divorces abound and the paper can be figuratively torn down very easily, but because you really decide to get committed to the other person. Mind you, I can see people not really needing to sign any paper for that - to each their own.

I never was a marriage-freak but neither did I ever get all the marriage-bashing.

Today's my second month of marriage and so far, so good, to be honest!

For me, if I loved someone and they me, I'd not feel the need for some fancy ceremony in order to shout it to the world. I'm quite a private person, quite the introvert as it where, so I'd probably not even feel comfortable with it in that sense either.

I had this discussion with my other half about 4-5 months ago. At the end of the day, I am not against the idea of marriage and she is very much wanting to live out her childhood dreams of the white dress, the onlooking family and friends etc., so I'm OK with it but, as I told her, if we weren't to tie the knot it wouldn't be a problem for for me.

Don't get me wrong, I like the idea but with the average wedding costing (I think I read) £15,000, and potential divorce proceedings proving costly and stressful if things went awry later down the line, logical reasoning would promote the idea of non-marriage. Add to that the fact that even for general wedding services such as car hire, venue hire, photographers.... you mention the 'W' word to them and suddenly quotes triple!! It's extortion and does make you really wonder whether it's worth all of that. In fact, for a day that is always labeled as 'the best day of your life', with all of the extortion and commercial aspects of the event, it's easy to get overwhelmed with the stress of it all - hardly the best day of your life!

The fact is, if you both know you love each other, what does it matter if you don't have a bit of paper to prove it?

Well, I'm currently getting married in about 5 weeks. much like my man here, I can take it or leave it, but its something my fiancee had dreamed of.

However, we've come to a compromise we're both happy with .... we're going abroad to do it. Minimum fuss, everything taken care of by our travel agent, just a small number of family coming with us. We get to get married in a beautiful location (Sri-Lanka), are about an hours flight from our honeymoon destination (the Maldives, an hour away) and so get to have 3 and a half weeks in the sun and get married while we're at it. More my idea of a wedding. And it cost us about half what we would pay for a wedding here.

Marriage is the only permissable way IMO for 2 non-blood adults to share the same house. Yes, I'm old-fashioned. I think it's better for any children that might result, I think it makes for a more stable home.

The flipside to that coin is I think of marriage purely as a religious ceremony. I see no need for there to be any paperwork, for the justice of the peace to get involved, whatever. If someday I get married (LOL) I'd want to see if any priest would do the ceremony without the proper paperwork. Marriage is a commitment to me, not a legal contract authorized by the government. It's none of their damn business IMO, but again, I'm old-fashioned.

An extra-legal marriage has the added benefit of being much more financially equal for both parties if/when it dissolves (and most marriages do). Without a legal contract in place, the court system is going to have a much harder time reducing the male to poverty.

If an extra-legal marriage isn't possible, I've heard pre-nups are good protection against messy divorces. Similarly, I've heard that a married couple should have their finances completely separate, again, protection against a messy divorce, mostly for the man.

Adrian

I can only presume that you'd mean this for yourself, and not to force your beliefs on others of course.

As for children, I think that the home environment is of course important, but as long as both parents love each other and they love and support any children, then a piece of metal on their fingers is of no consequence.

Marriage is for 2 people, who know they will spend thier lives together forever, and wouldnt be happy with anyone else, in short, for people who truly are in love!


was listening today, heard they are thinking of bringing in a 7 years marriage contact, so you can only be married for 7 years, and at the end you either split or get marriied again! what has society come 2!! lol

i guess gone our the days of 50 year marriages!! i hate to think thats a thing of the past!

People change. You cannot know what kind of person you each will be in 5, 10, 20, 50 years. Yes, sometimes it works and people stay married for a long time - my grandparents have been married for 50+ years - but it isn't a ring on a finger and a piece of paper that keeps you together. It can be love, it can be trust, or it could just be chance. You can never know for certain what will happen.