Marriage??

i totally agree!, people do change, things happen, but im an old romantic! i believe there is that one perfect person out there for u!, and that love heals everything lol!

granted if u really love someone and they love u, you would both change together! and lvoe eachother more for it!

By that logic, you don't even get to choose, someone else is picking for you. I'd rather choose for myself. Also, with 6,000,000,000 people on this planet, what are the chances of ever meeting this 'perfect person'?

Not if you both change in different ways, and one or both dislike what the other has become.

if its meant to be, its meant to be! if your meant to be together then u meet her/him eventully! call it fate, God, Chance, whatever!



my parents are different people, than they were 30 years ago when they got married, but as they change, the other accepted them, you dont wake up a different person!!

but yes people change, and they fall out, but then you work at a marriage, and if it cant be sloved, then you go seperate ways! but i re-fuse to believe that long term marriage will dissapper, and to be honesty io think its the goal for most perople, to spend the rest of thier lives with someone they love!

So if you meet someone you fall in love with you'd rather believe that it's by someone elses design, and not because you both chose to be together. In my opinion that is pathetic, and rather offensive - if you're only together because someone/thing else wants you to be, you aren't really together because you love each other.

I never said that you'd suddenly change, nor did I suggest that giving up without a fight was the first possible option - I only said that people change, grow apart, fall out of love, and sometimes it doesn't last. I don't think that long term marriage will disappear either, but society is ever changing, so you can't expect things to be how they where 50 years ago.

I've been with my gf for more than 11 years now, we've been living together for most of that period, we now have two kids and we're still not married. Our two little girls are the greatest commitment. Much more powerful and meaningful than any ceremony could ever be.
We know we probably will get married one day, though we both could live with out it. But we're both okay with it for various reasons that have already been mentioned (mostly administrative). Getting married won't make things better or worse, just easier or more difficult in very precise and exceptional situations.

Sure, over the years we've both changed and the love we have for one another isn't like when we first met and went out together. It's still love for sure. Even though it may be less passionate, not as crazy as it used to be, it feels much more solid built for the long term and somehow unbreakable, though things are never to be taken for granted.
I think the main key to make it work is to involve yourselves in the couple, and family if it goes that far, as much as you can without "diluting" who you are in the process.
Keep some time and activities, ones you had before being a couple, for yourself. If you combine never being able to be your own self and never having the chance to miss the loved one, you will fore sure get on each other's nerves at some point.
This is not as easy as it sounds, especially when you have kids, but it's mandatory if you want things to work out.


Ponrauil

i'm a catholic from a nation with lots of catholics. but, i have lost faith in the "sacrament of marriage" because of all all these annulments or divorces that's been happening more frequently.

commitment. love. respect. fun. that's all i need in a relationship.

Not necessarily. That's probably the average if you go for everything people do because it's fashionable.

When I started looking at wedding costs last year I was completely overwhelmed by the expense. In the end it was expensive - that's undeniable - but not so much. Of course it depends on what you do, etc.

Our wedding wasn't shabby or anything, and I think when people complimented and thanked us they were being honest and sincere. And personally, I wouldn't have trade ours for any different - more expensive - one.

My suggestion is you both do what you feel like doing, regardless of what is fashionable, cool or whatever.

...when I was little it was expected for me to grow up get married and have kids and stay with my partner for the rest of my life...It's what everyone did! I got married, had kids and imagined being with my partner till we were old and frail.

He moves out next week after 20yrs together. Things changed, we stopped talking, so we grew apart..too far apart.

What do I think of marriage?...It's subjective. Expectations have now changed, society is alot broader minded. I think if two people fall in love then it's a beautiful way to show commitment to each other...The vows are draconian though...it should not be till death do us part...it's too much of a commitment in the modern world...but that is subjective again. I dont think this 7yr marriage contract is a bad idea.

But once children come into a relationship the whole perspective shifts and they should become the most important thing ( I mean in a caring and nuturing way) so they can grow to be confident. And it becomes the couple's responsibility to think about the kids first. As long as they know they are loved and feel secure they will be happy.

the gender status quo is nowhere near as wide as it once was either.

back in the day alot of the time a woman never had a choice if she wanted a divorce as it would either be denied, leave her totally destitute or make her a social outcast.

i dont think it's necesarilly a great emotional change that;s allowed people to become more open to the idea of divorce, i think it's a social change.

btw adrian i think that idea of yours about marriage (which in the end literally IS nothing more than a legally binding contract regardless of each partners emotional involvement) being the only acceptable way to bring up children within a house is ridiculous.

there's plenty of single mothers and fathers, gay couples, grandparents gaurdians, foster parents, carers etc... that doa damn sight better job at bringing up kids than alot of hetero married couples.

I'm not too keen on forcing anyone to do anything, no matter what I think of their lifestyle choices. That said, I still don't think a man and woman who live together (with an emotional attachment to each other) are making a good choice. Like I said before, I'm old fashioned.

Adrian