2 jokes.... (and no offence to milkmen! lol)

1.
a little boy said his prayers every night, and sometimes his dad would listen to him saying them. one night, after the boy said his prayer, the dad heard the boy whisper, "bye bye granny". the next day, the gran won a thousand pounds at bingo club, which made her have a heart attack and die suddenly.
that night, the family all prayed for her soul, and after that the dad listened carefully to the boy pryaing, and the boy said, "bye bye grandpa". the next day, the grandpa was going to gran's funeral and was run over by the hearse and died.
that night, they all prayed for his soul too, and after the prayer the dad heard the boy say, "bye bye daddy".
of course, the dad got really worried. that night he could hardly sleep. when he went to work, he drove really slowly in case he crashed, but he got to work ok. at lunch he didnt eat in case someone had poisoned his sandwiches. he was careful all day and when he drove back home, he was driving slowly again. he got home alive and walked in the house.
when his wife saw him, she ran up to him, saying, "you won't believe what happened just after you left for work: the milkman dropped dead on our doorstep!"

2.
a woman was about to give birth to a baby so her husband drove her to the hospital. they met a doctor there who said he had invented a machine that transferred childbirth pain from the mother to the father, and he asked them if they wanted to try it out, and they agreed.
the woman began going into labour and was in a lot of pain so the husband agreed for the doctor to switch on the machine and transfer 10% of the pain to him. the doctor set the machine to transfer 10% of the pain to the father, and asked him how it felt. "its ok, not too painful" he said.
the contractions got worse and the wife wanted less and less pain, so the doctor asked the husband if he could transfer 50% of the pain, and the man agreed, so the doctor did it. again, the man didnt complain.
it was now getting to the most painful part of the birth and the doctor asked the man if he could give him 100% of the woman's pain. the man said, "sure, anything for my love!" the doctor warned him that this was pain like men had never experienced before, and it might make him pass out, but the man still said he would go on with it, so the doctor set the machine to give the man 100% of the womans pain.
the birth went well with no complications and very little pain for the mother, and this meant that the mother and baby could go straight home. so all 3 went home.
when they got back, they found the milkman unconscious on their dorstep.