Parents divorced?

Yes lol old thread

One change in my situation now : my kids could post in this thread !!
Well i wasn't married but it's a bit the same, less papers and things to do but still, lots of annoying things to deal with

I know it was the right thing to do, not easy, but life's much better !!! less stress.
I just hope that if one day my kids have to tell their feelings about that in a topic like this one they will say something like it was a good change, necessary, and we didn't feel any miss .... Oh well ..... Doing my best !

Jess - I'm glad to hear that things are well with you now. I know that they were pretty awful a few years ago.

Oh yesss Kathleen ! that was pretty awful !!

Far better now.
Well i don't mean it's easy ... I guess you can imagine how it is to leave your job/house/friends, everything and to start something from zero ! with no money, no job, nothing ! and unfortunely, as my situation wasn't bad enough already, the day i moved here i was drove to the hospital, couldn't walk anymore, something was wrong in my back since a long time but i was busy with the move, i took pain killers and ignored it but all of a sudden i couldn't walk, the pain was to strong and they had to do quite a lot of things to make me walk again ! after something like 2 months i was able to drive a bit .... and with help at home i've started to live again
But first my kids were at my mums, i wasn't there to drive them to their new school the first day, imagine how i felt guilty, we weren't living in our new appartement ... when i've told them life will be better ... that was so hard !!! No dad and mum at the hospital ... great ...

Now i can't run for example or do many things, but i can walk, well like since yesterday not really, not too much ... but the physio said i have a big chance to be like "before" one day. Up's and down's ...
Looking for a new job, have to forget about anything in a shop, can't stand up all day ... Not easy ....

James feels better in this college, Rachel's in a very good school.
We have a big basketball team here, so we met lots of people in the supporters and organisation and as kids speak english they met the US players we are lucky enough to have here and we're having some lovely times with them. And the french ones too, we are lucky enough to spend lots of time with them. And Rachel is playing in the club which is in association with our big team.
It's quite a big town, so we can do all sorts of things easily. And the weather is better here
Their dad sees them twice a month and all the holidays.

The biggest problem is James growing up at 13 years old ! not the funniest part :s He tests me all the time, no dad here and he is so clever !! that's difficult.
Well ... and living in a appartement after owing a house .... but i chose one with a garden behind they can play safely and in fact they like this place.

It can only gets better again And summer is arriving and well ..... i've arranged some holidays in Biarritz

My parents are also divorced, they divorced 4 years ago....
That didn't get me much then, but now I'm starting to feel some things I didn't use to because I never thought of them in this way.... I never had to take sides, but now I'm feeling I have to more and more.... I think that's not fair... =(
Whatever I decide I hurt someone else.... =(
But, I try to look at things being optimistic, always.... So I look on this like that too.... I try not to worry myself about the things that are only going to make my life bad if I do... but, if I don't it's not like that....
Oh, I wrote enough for now....
Does anyone have the same, or similar ''problems''....?

Have a nice day! =)

I honestly can't imagine my parents having ever been happy together. Really, just cant conceive it. In many ways my dad is a dick. Definitely would always have thought himself more important than my mother.

If you've ever seen the Squid and the Whale, that was pretty much my family. It cuts so close it hurts to watch 15 years after the fact.

Divorce is a plain awful thing to go through for all involved. And it takes years to see the situation clearly and for what it is. It puts limits on your life and separates you from other people. At the time the worst is that its a burden you can't share. You feel different from other people and to explain why would be to give yourself away. If someone calls for your dad and he's moved out to a flat with the other woman, where do you begin to start?

My brother and I reacted in very different ways. I became fatalistic and he controlling.

You don't get over anything in life, but you do learn to live with things. Its hard not to be limited by a dysfunctional family and to build stronger relationships than were allowed in that situation, but when you do its rewarding.

And you get a wicked black humour from the whole thing!

And can be moved to tears by this:

I've learned to accept that bad things will happen in life that you have little control over. What matters is how you deal with them.

Listen to this song right now. This is where they will get to some day. And it puts things so much more beautifully than I can:
I swear to god it helped me survive.

Be honest with them and they will eventually understand the situation for what it was. Though that does include a fairly decent sense of where any blame (if at all) lies. Reassure them that its not with them.

They will also one day know that theres a time to get on and move over the past. If you are willing to make the effort they will too.

Therer's a lot to hope for and you can make the best of things!

My parents are divorced and I agree with you, when I think of it like that, it's better for them to be divorced than fighting all the time....

That's great, it shows us that there's still true love =)

I maybe shouldn't put this here, but.................. my dad was abusive, and used to hit my mum, cheat on her, etc. so let's just say I'm kinda glad they aren't together. He also hasn't called me or anything, in almost 2 years.I saw him a couple of Xmas's ago, just before Xmas, he said he'd call me and have me round sometime over the holidays. Never did. And then when he left when I was 6....there were a couple other dickhead of role models, one......let's just say was "very bad". I kinda have problems with men now.

It's nice to hear, when parents stay together, and actually love each other. I think every child needs that, and has a big big impact when they become adults.