question about doing *it*

one of my friends is 16 and will be 17 in september, so shes practically 17 already, and she has a boyfriend of 17 or 18. my mum was complaining about it as she always does, and was saying that the couple have been sleeping together and the mum of the girl knows about it and has actually been helping them, by getting them condoms and the pill and advice and all that, and my mum was saying that was wrong, and i asked her what was wrong, cos isnt it good that at least theyre well-advised, and she said its wrong cos my friend is too young to have sex. i said but its legal at 16. and my mum said yeah but youre not physically ready to do it then, youre not physically ready until youre in ur 20s. i said i can understand her being worried about my mate being not mentally ready yet, but i cant understand her being worried about her being physically ready, cos u get kids a lot younger than her doing it - in the papers u hear about girls aged about 10 who are doing it. so i always thought ur physically capable of doing it at 10 onwards, but my mum says u cant.
so, whos right? does anyone know what age its possible to have sex at?
also, slightly-related topic: does anyone know what is the average age for having ur first kiss? (thats as in french kisses, snogs, whatever u call em) i thought it was 13 but someone else told me its a lot lower than that.

Okay, there's no right or wrong in this. Physically girls differ (I presume we'll stick to women here!), you are physically ready when you get your period, your period means that you are fertile, so therefore can have a child. Mentally it's a different thing though, as you've already said. However, in saying that you are physically ready from when you have your period is accurate, but studies have shown that the earlier a girl has sex the higher her chances are for getting cervical cancer at a later age, therefore it is understandable that people think you should wait.
I would say around 16/17 is the normal age that girls should start to have sex, you are mentally more ready for it and physically you are basically full grown, but everyone has their own opinions on this. Personally, I think you should do it when you feel ready, that is that it is something you want and not because your boyfriend or friends are saying that you should. Peer pressure is a bummer in this situation!
French kissing used to be around 13, I think.. I know it was for me! I'm afraid I don't know what the age is around now, but it wouldn't surprise me if they were starting younger!

Tash

I should also add that I think it is great that your friend's mum is being so supportive and helping and advising her. At least she is doing the smart thing, wish more parents would!

Tash

i'd just like to say that if all the mums were like your friend's mum, there will be less "accident" (abortion and sexual disease) ... I'm sure your mother thinks the same but she doesn't want "to loose" her baby (you!) I think you're old enough to know what you have to do, maturity is sometimes more important than legal age !

physically u can be ready from before ur in high school but wether ur actually mentally ready for it's a completely different thing. haviong sex is alot mor ethan just sticking certain bits of ur anatomy in certain places u know theres the whole closeness and affection of it all. i think kids that have sex early don;t actually get this and they just think it's something fun to do (which it is too)

what i think though is that ur mums more worried about the fact that u 2 are girls and this guy is a little older than her. some guys (not all but alot of them) really are only after one thing whereas girls want more out of it and it's very easy for them to be mistaken as to the guys intentions. she's just being protective and it's a good thing.

me and my girlfriends parents r pretty cool about us in that sense u know. they don't hand out condoms or anything but they know we have sex, her mum knows she son the pill, if my mum finds any condoms lying around the house she dicreetly asks who;s it is and thats the end of the story u know. we've been going out for nearly 2 years and were best friends way before that so they know we're nmot stupid.

ur friends mum sounds real cool and when ur thinking about having sex maybe it would do u some good to go and talk to her about it rather than ur mum who's just scared which is totally reasonable.

lol the only advice my dads ever gave me was a drunken conversation talking about football or music or something and he just turned round n said. Jim, be careful, u know what i mean.

so much for the birds n the bee's eh lol

lol, lucky you! You go that much!
I didnt get nothing at all (birds n the bee's talk). I had to find everything out off friends which in some ways is better coz it is less embarrasing than talking to your folks..there is nothing worse. I dont tell my folks nothing about *it* coz they never told me about it in the first place so I make sure they dont find out about my girlfriends (dunno how the hell, i manage to keep everything under wraps, i think i must do rather well!).

As people have said, as long as "your friend" feels she is ready to have sex physically and mentally, then go for it. Just be careful. As long as both partners have talked about it before hand and are confident it is what they both want, then go for it, have fun.

takes two to tango is all i can say.

Yup!....

My mum and dad were always very open about sex, i found out about it when i was 7 years old, my mum explained it to me and then bought me a book all about growing up, as for what age you can/ can't do it, it depends, i started puberty when i was 10!!! also a girl in my primary school class had been having periods since she was 7 so it really is up to nature i suppose.

All my friends were pressured into the drugs, drink and sex thing when they were teens, as was i, however i didn't succumb to the sex and drugs, i did have the odd drink though. Most my mates lost there virginity to the local bike ( everyone has had a ride ) and she was only 12 when most my mates were 14!

I started dating a girl when i was 15, she was 14 and neither of us had been with anyone before, and our first time was with each other when we were 15/14, albiet both of us were underage. We were responsible, we had been dating for three months and it was a very nice thing to happen, not a rumble in the bushes like my mates.
My mum and dad let her stay all the time, we shared a bedroom, although not a bed as far as my mum and dad were concernec, although years later my mum told me she knew we were sleeping together.

I didn't expect her to go on the pill so i was responsible for all the contraception side of things, we stayed together for 4 1/2 years after that, and only ever went with each other.

I agree and i think its great that this persons parents are responsible enough to allow them to make their own desicions in life, the whole reason why my mates did what they did was because sex was a taboo word in their household whereas mine wasn't, i was also lucky enough to keep myself for someone special. Its best to have support like this rather then think that yiu have to sneak out of the house, thats when and how sex becomes a dirty thing because it is scorned upon.

that was pretty much exactly what my 1st time was

ah well water under the bridge or whatever the saying is.