So hard to be selfish, i feel bad ....

I am a registered chilminder since august of two kids, in fact my neighbours. They are 1.5 and 2.5 years old and very cute, lovely kids, really. We never did a real contract with the parents because the mother is a young teacher and she's waiting for a post, so, instead of a full time, i have the kids a few hours per day. Which is not enough talking about a salary, they said full time at the beginning, i know it's not her fault, but if she told me at the beginning, i'll have their kids only 50 hours/months, then i'd said no. We didn't know at this moment differents laws will change and she won't have a full time too this year. I already told them, i need a job, at least 3/4 time and to be sure i won't stop taking care of their kids, they proposed me more hours even if she's not working, she wants to "keep" me just in case the academy call her at some point during the year. I know it's not easy to find a childminder, i know this problem too. But my husband told me now it's enough, i can't stay at home for nearly nothing, ok, their kids are fine with me, but we need a second salary .....
So i told the mother this morning i can't continue .... (this week, she's working 8 hours in total, you see what i will win then ....) i explained her i need a real salary and to work more than 8 hours a week, i'm still young, i need to do something .... she started to cry and all, she said to her kids immediately, they will have to change of chilminder, without explaining them better, the older one didn't understand what was happening, he was just saying no ! the younger was crying ....
I think she will find someone else if she really wants, it's not easy for me too, i don't know what i'm gonna do for the moment, i have different people to meet, to write to etc .... and my kids, who will look after them if my hours at work are not the same as the school ?? but i know even if i have to pay someone for my kids too, i'll win more money than i'd win with my actual job, and i need it. And i think i need to "live", i'm not really happy at home all the day.
It's a disaster for them, and me, i'm lost ..... is it selfish ? did i do something so bad ? in fact it's all about money, but what can i do ? we all need it.

Exactly! You shouldn't feel bad about it. Your neighbour, knowing your situation, should probably have seen this coming at some point anyway. You can't live your life for others at the end of the day Jess. It is nice to do stuff for others and help people out when they need you but not at such expense of your own life. Its harsh, I know, but what else could you do? At the end of the day, you have to be able to look after number 1 before you can even think about looking after anyone-else - and that's all your doing. Its hard, but good on you!

And you are NOT being selfish in any way Jess. Don't think you are cos its not your fault you've had to make the decision you have.

you are not selfish jess. you see, i ýou have to earn a living too. unfortunately life is unfair but you can't do everything for free

Sorry to hear that you had to make that dision in the end but you need your money so thats what you have to do

I don't know .... I guess you're right, well, in a few days, i hope i will feel better. Since this morning, in fact, instead of looking for a job for me, i called different childminders to ask them if the mother in question can call them ..... I found two solutions for them, maybe one of the person i called this morning and the other is a creche. I think i will see the father this evening

Thank you I know you're right too just like RS8MB0R8, thank you to both of you. Life is unfair, and i know this so well that's why i tried to help them, but honestly if i'd tell you how much i'm paid for this .........

And Russ, you knew i wasn't sure about this situation but i never thought i could feel so bad about what i did ...

in the end money 9s king. im sure if we could get away with it we'd all be moving somewhere nice and warm to spend our days on the beach but that just doesnt happen and it's not selfish acknowledging that u need to earn more money. a house and kids r expensive commodities and if anyones selfsh its your neighbour for guilt tripping u about this.

I totally agree. You have to make a living too. Your neighbor is really taking advantage of you and making you feel guilty about trying to make a living yourself.

It is a shame she has to pull the kids into this though.

Like Jim said, kids are expensive and you have to think about the expenses ahead of time. I am paying $900 a month for childcare for 1 child - I have no patience when people are trying to take advantage of a nice neighbor to try to save the money.

Don't feel bad.

Thank you Spunky and Jim
I won't see them tomorrow, but on thursday, and maybe one week again ...... not if i found another job before, but i know it's a bit utopic