66. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

67. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

68. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

69. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

70. Crop circles are Chuck’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.

71. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

72. Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros. 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

73. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

74. You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

75. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

76. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

77. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris punched himself in the face.

78. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ****ing another.

79. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

80. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

81. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

82. Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

83. If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Chuck replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

84. To attain inner peace, Chuck Norris eats Buddhists.

85. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

86. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

87. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

88. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the man's blindness. Sadly, the first, last and only thing the man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.

89. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

90. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man once ate an Indian.

91. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

92. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

93. Those aren't credits that roll after "Walker: Texas Ranger," it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

94. Each individual hair in Chuck Norris' beard, has a beard of it's own.

95. Chuck Norris is his own food group.

96. Mere mortals are never allowed to utter such phrases as, "The Sky is Blue" or "Water is Wet" or "Gravity is a law" in the presence of Chuck Norris. Unless said mortal prefers water to be dry, the sky blood-red, and teeth to float weightlessly in the air due to a silent stare and a swift roundhouse from Chuck.

97. The term "nunchuck" was actually coined after Chuck Norris used a pair of Catholic Nuns as weapons to mercilessly beat an angry mob to death. Chuck makes weapons from his surroundings.

98. Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them.

99. Chuck Norris' urine gets 57 miles to the gallon in any Kia. Upon learning that his urine was being used as an alternative energy source to gasoline by a foreign automobile company, Chuck Norris began drinking nuclear waste. Over 1300 Kia owners perished from radiation before scientists identified the problem. Chuck Norris is not sorry.

100. "Run to the Hills" by Iron Maiden was inspired by the time that Chuck Norris chased after and murdered everybody in the universe to Rocky Mountains.

Added by Myguitar and his twisted friend, Tim Creevay:

1. Chuck Norris can eat the colors green, yellow and red, and then crap out a traffic light.

2. Chuck Norris was the first one to land on the moon and said “It’s one small step for mankind, one giant leap for Chuck Norris!”. But things turned sour when NASA credited Neil Armstrong with the moon-landing and the above phrase, so Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Neil into space and then he jumped 40 years ahead into the atmosphere and kicked the Columbia shuttle into disintegration. He now plots to cause a massive tornado by doing lightning quick roundhouses so he can destroy the JFK space center.

3. Chuck Norris was supposed to be nailed to the cross alongside Jesus, but every time they tried to nail his hands to the cross, the nails shot back into the hammering Roman's forehead, causing a shower of gore that spelled "Chuck Norris".

4. Chuck Norris' wife is not worthy of baring his fruit, instead, Chuck Norris bares his own fruit and eventually giving birth to an army of indestructible descendants of the one Chuck Norris!

5. Chuck Norris' sperm smoke Marlboro Reds!

6. Chuck Norris always has a plan!

7. Only Chuck Norris, not the Jedi, can restore the balance in the Republic!

8. Chuck Norris discovered fire by punching a rock, which caused it to spark and start a fire.

9. The original “Survivor” reality show pilot was supposed to be about 20 contestants being dropped onto an island with Chuck Norris and the last man standing was to get the grand prize of $1Million. But Chuck Norris kept roundhousing the winners and taking their money, which he would then use to lure in another 20 unsuspecting contestants.

10. In 2010, the United States has plans to abandon all forms of paper currency, and instead use Chuck Norris as the backbone of their economy.

11. In the future, as we grow collectively as a perfect species, we will all live in round houses.

12. Chuck Norris got married while wearing a tuxedo made out of Bruce Lee's skin. The wedding rings were two of Jet Li's hollowed out vertebrae, dipped in gold and forged in Mordor. Jackie Chan's severed head was used to kiss the bride, and the wedding cake was made out of the souls of all his enemies, except for 2, which he wore as shoes. When the bride said, "I do", Chuck Norris said, "No, you don't!" and roundhouse kicked the priest, because he never hits a woman, unless he has another woman to hit her with available.

13. If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", you'll get "Urchins Rock", but if you do, your eyes will start bleeding.

14. All Urchins are inspected and passed for release into public by Chuck Norris. They are usually turned into punching bags or food for Chuck's famous Urchin Shishkabob! Sometimes he lets them run so he can hunt them!

15. GEICO Insurance has a 97% customer satisfaction rating because the other 3% ran and hid before Chuck Norris could choke them into submission.

16. 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Chuck Norris to their patients that chew gum. The 5th dentist is currently getting his face eaten by Chuck Norris for not recommending Chuck Norris.