Another golf one:

On the tee: "I think I'll use the big stick for this one".


I was playing football at weekend and at the team talk before the game the coach said:

"It's not the best of pitches. It's uneven, and there are a few undulations."

Also on my way home the other night my dad rang and asked me to stop at the convenience store to buy a carrot to grate up and put in his soup, and some larger. The lady behind the counter said:

"So it'll be £2.99 plus 23p for your carrot."