Work

There isn't much you can do with an outright moron, but at least you can confront her and ask her how you should have done it and how you should know NOT to follow her precise instructions

I know the type. It is very very frustrating. No matter whose fault it is or if it is anybodies, it should always be taken as a team. IMO. Of course, a lot of people don't share that concept. I tend to take the blame for others mistakes, I feel that it makes for a good team environment if every single member takes responsibility for everybodies actions. Some people appreciate that, others take advantage of it. I am currently working with someone who takes advantage of it. This person is somewhat my boss (not exactly but she is a level above me and has the client relationship that brought forth my project) - I have my project, she has hers. I have nothing to do with her project. Since we work at the same client and in the same area, I take interest in what she does and whenever she is out and the client needs anything from her they ask me. So, it is in 'our' (as the firm we work for) best interest to know what she does and where her project stands, etc. so that I can at least somewhat answer questions that might arise when she is out. Well, she ****ed something up REAL bad. REAL bad. REAL REAL REAL bad. I happened to be right there when it came in the door and immediately snatched it so that the client won't be confronted with it until we had time to get our ducks in a row and to see how we can remedy whatever she did. Mind you - I had nothing to do with it. I never even touched that darn thing until it came flying in the doors and had the admins blood pressure go through the roof. I look at all the issues involved and leave that person who is the manager on that **** up a vm. In that vm, I explained what went wrong and I said 'we did this instead of that'. After I hung up I wanted to smack myself. "WE" did nothing. SHE did. I had nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing - nada. The only thing I did was trying to calm down the admin and after she told the dude in charge, I explained and told him how we'd resolve it. All I did was try to catch the shit before it hit the fan. Yet, in my vm, I said 'we' did. I would not have a problem with the 'we' thing with anybody - but this person is very quick to point fingers and judge and claims to be absolutely perfect. So, why the **** did I say 'we'?

Anyway, nice example of where our personalities make being assertive sometimes really difficult. Btw, I never heard a 'thanks' or what exactly did the dude say, or 'glad you handled it', or 'how exactly did you handle it'.... Nothing. She knows it was her fault and we shall never speak of it. I soooo want to rub it in though....

I don't mean the 'you enable her' in a negative way. We all act in our ways and different people respond differently to how we act. Some like our non-offensive ways and others will take advantage of it. It's not your fault, nor should you change your personality. However, to observe and see how your actions directly allow her or how she fees off your being shy and respectful, will give you the tools you need to combat that. If she feeds off the fact that you take all the blame cause she says so, then you will have to stop taking the blame. Never stop telling her that all you did was follow her exact instructions and don't let her back out of it. Make her articulate how exactly you did wrong in doing what she said.

It does suck in a small company though, cause the boss has ultimate and unlimited power. So, in the long run you will have to look for a different job, but the goal is to stay sane in the short run

I very well know how hard it is Keeper and you won't be making significant changes in a short time. It will take a looong time and perhaps it will never change and you'll just bridge the time till you can get a better job. However, since you pretty much already know that you won't be staying in this job forever, it is also an excellent opportunity for you to 'try on' different personality outfits. You got nothing to lose. YOu are already the dog. Try them on and have fun being bitchy back. It's what I call growing up in your job. I wish I knew and had the assertiveness that I had to acquire so painfully and over such a long time, back at my first job. It would be so cool to be 'big enough' to tell my first senior manager to never ever talk to me like that again or I'll call HR. Or to tell him that for being a preacher in Sunday school he surely doesn't treat his staff very christian like. Oh... so many things I'd tell him. So many ways I'd act and react to his assholeness. Yet, back then, I tried and tried and tried to do things right when in hindsight I did them right all along, he just didn't like me.

My ex would always say: 'some people need serious negative feedback or they will turn into super monsters'. I totally agree with that.

It's a long process and don't feel like you need to succeed immediately. Observe, observe, observe. You'll learn a lot from that. Even if it is how NOT to treat people.

I sympathise with you for having such a co-worker, too. It's unbelievable she never even thanked you! Some people...

My boss might or might not blame me in public depending on the day or the thing in question. Sometimes we will be a team as you say and - at leat outwardly - she will take the general responsibility - or she will simply point her finger and shook it off her. Impossible to predict which one it will be.

That's definitely what I'd like. People keep telling me that I know my time there is limited and thus I should simply stick it out as best I can. Well, I have tried but I can't. If I had, say, a month left, then perhaps I wouldn't mind but since it's more I would like for things to be a little better. So I'm glad you understood that, Spunky

Anyway, after yesterday, which was one the worst days, I promise both you and myself that I will try to put to practice what you have said. As you say, I actually have nothing to lose and might gain something. I have already tried the "don't make too much noise and bear things patiently because you know they won't last forever" but it hasn't worked so I will see how these work.

Thank you very much.

I hope you feel better tomorrow...
It is tough even though I'm just a student and don't have any idea how hard it is... Even sometimes money isn't what makes you continue when you hate your job.
Listen to Bon Jovi and try to find some answers, sometimes it works

what a bullshit. I've been a student untill 3 years ago, and IMO the working bit is a lot more 'easier' then being a student.
More ontopic, if you don't like you classmates, you've got a problem. If it are collegeaus is much easier to switch jobs...

i dunno if this has been asked yet but have you actually answered her back when she gets on at you for stuff you haven't done?

i don't mean be cheeky but say she moans at you for doing X, you say: you and i both know i didn't do X so Y isn't my fault so why are you moaning at me for it?

to quote an old chestnut. bullies don't like it when the target decides they actually want to fight back and it works in most circumstances especially work.

if you just take it then she's going to know she can get away with it, if you stick up for yourself she's less likely to do it.

it's like neds. they think they can get away with harrasing people because most folk will let them away with it or walk by and let them abuse someone else. in every single case where ive confronted any neds bothering me or anyone else they've not had a clue what to do because they're not used to folk sticking up to them...

Not worded like that, but yes, I have said before. To no avail.

What is your problem, I just said that working is hard even though I don't have much experience of that because I'm just a student.
What is the big deal of that?

And I was just explaining something from a view of something who both studied & worked....
What's the big deal of that?

The way you said it.