When I took on my job about a year and a half ago it was only meant to be temporary, and I wouldn't have believed it if I'd been told I'd stay that long. For reasons I won't go into now, I now can't "afford" to quit and look for something else.

I never liked my job but these days I hate it with a passion. It's not the coined sentence. I have used the sentence when I was working elsewhere and now I know I used it in vain. Now I mean every word of it.

Every day my boss enumerates all the many things I've done wrong. Or - more often than not - that she has decided I've done wrong without checking whether that is so or not. I think she decides it I've made a mistake as soon as she makes up her mind to ask me to do something. So in the end I always know I'm doing most things alright but she will never apologise for having blamed me. I'm always guilty of whatever I have (not) done but not just that: I also have to hear it when it's someone else's blunder because somewhere along the way I must have had something to do with it (if only by being born) and thus it's partly my fault too. Even when it's clearly her fault I'll be to blame.

She doesn't scream or shout or use harsh words. It's not that. It's the wear and tear of the same thing all the time.

So I have been hearing the wrong things I have done every day since I started working. Each and every day. And NOT once have I done anything worthy of an apology or a good word from my boss. (Other people have complimented me).

I can do without compliments or good words. I really can. It's only the "you have made a mistake here, here and here" that I have to hear every single day that is making me feel worse by the day.

People thing I'm a hysterical woman because I sometimes - like today - I simply despair and start crying or whatever. But I don't think I am. I bore it patiently for a very long while, it's only since last June or so that it's getting worse.

I'm not expecting anything from this message, I guess I just needed to vent. I'm having an awful day today.