Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets syncronised with a complete stranger

You're never quite sure if its ok to eat green crisps

Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculater

Reading when you are drunk is horrible

Nobody ever dares to make a cup-a-soup in a bowl

You never know where to look whilst eating a banana

Rummaging in an over-grown garden will always uncover a bouncy ball

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses

The most embaressing thing you can do as a scoolchild is call your teacher mum/dad

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it could kill you

Some days you see lots of people on crutches

Old women with mobile phones look wrong

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited

You never run out of salt

Old ladies can eat more than you think

You can't respect a man carrying a dog

Theres no panic like the panic you feel when you've momentarily got your hand or head stuck in something

No-one knows the origin of their metal coat hangers

Despite constant warning, you have never met anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and standing on an upturned plug

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

Bricks are horrible to carry

In every plate of chips there is a bad chip

Knowladge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad!