Why's no one mentioned Please Come Home For Christmas or the Jove's cover of Run, Run Rudolph.

Okay, neither of them are the best xmas songs, I guess.

But Kevin "Bloody" Wilson's Xmas song is the definitive best!

Hey Santa claus you c**t!

Where's me ****ing bike?

I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.

I wrote you a ****ing letter and I come to see you twice

Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me ****ing bike.

If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.

And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!

You've stuffed me bloody order up

It's enough to make you spew

And I'm not the only one who's snakey

Me sisters dirty too!

(female voice)
Hey santa clause you c**t!

Where's me ****ing pram?

You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.

'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand

I'll give you ****ing ho ho ho

You forgot me ****ing pram

(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts

And I'll let your ****ing reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!

You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store

And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door

And we'll say, yeah you wait for it

Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes

And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells ****ing lies

He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright

'Cause the old ****ing wanker Forgot me ****ing bike.

You wait you old c**t, I'm gonna dob you in

Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your ****ing lights out

"I saw mummy sucking santa clause"