Jovitalk - Bon Jovi Fan Community - "OFFICIAL" BONGIOVIS THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah, I'll live around it. I'm posting the episode anyawy.

How (Not) to Pick Up Chicks

*The year is 1987 and the boys are taking time off of work for a quick summer break. One of Dave's friends is throwing a beach party. He invites Dave to the party and tells Dave to bring some friends, if he wants. Dave extends the invitation to the rest of the band. The band, being the party animals that they are, gladly accept.

The party is well under way when a Chevrolet pulls up with the radio blasting loudly. This Chevey belongs to Jon, who is fashionably late. He parks the car, grabs a beach towel, puts on a pair of shades, gets out of the Chevey, and walks down to the beach acting like he's the hottest thing in the world. Once he finds a place to lay down his towel, he kicks off his sandalls and goes off to mingle. He spots Richie and stops to chat.*

Jon: Hey, Rich!
Richie: Hey, bro.
*They slap five.*
Jon: What's been happenin'?
Richie: Not much. We've just been hangin' out and stuff.
Jon: Where are the guys?
Richie: Well, Dave's over there talking with some people over a few beers, Tico went off to go swimming with this chick, and Alec...
*A few high-pitched screams cut Richie off as several girls in bikinis run past them closely followed by Alec who is chasing them lustfully.*
Richie:...well... he's... getting to know some people. Girl people.
Jon: I see.
*There is an awkward pause as Jon and Richie observe the action between Alec and the bikini-clad girls.*
Jon: I... uh... I'm gonna go say hi to Dave. Catch ya later?
Richie: All right.
*Jon walks off to talk to Dave.*
Jon: Hey Dave!
Dave: Hiya, Jon. Can I get you a beer?
Jon: That would be great. Thanks.

*After coming out of the water, Tico observes Richie from afar. He sees Richie talking to a young lady who seems very uninterested in the conversation. After a while, she walks off. Seeing that Richie is in need of help, Tico comes to his aid.*
Tico: No luck with the ladies?
Richie: None.
Tico: Let me give you some advice.
Richie:Um. OK.
Tico: Richie, take a good look at me. What am I wearing?
*Richie looks Tico over and tries not to snicker.*
Richie: Bright red underpants?
Tico: No! It's called a Speedo. A SPEEDO!
Richie: Well, that's a fancy name for underpants.
Tico: IT'S NOT UNDERWEAR! It's like swim trunks- only shorter.
Richie: Tico, there's something about swimming in bright red underpants that seems... wrong.
Tico: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Look, do you want my advice or not?
Richie: OK, I'll shut up.
Tico: Now Richie, there is something very important called a first impression. Just by looking at you, a woman can percieve what type of person you are. You, Richie, look like a geek. A woman can look at your thick socks and visor hat and she will instantly think: geek.
Richie: Tico, I'm not a geek!
Tico: Well, you sure as hell look like one! Now, I, on the other hand, look like a handsome stud. Why? Because women like skin. The trick is that for a first impression, a man should wear as little as possible. That way the woman will think that: a) he's got guts and b) he's irresistably sexy. That's where the Speedo comes in. There is no better place to pick up a sweet sinorita than the beach because you can wear the Speedo carefree and no one will give you strange looks.
*Richie gives Tico a strange look.*
Tico: Will you stop that? Now as I was saying, it is the Speedo that gives the first impression. Before you say a single word to her, a woman can hear the Call of the Speedo. It says: "Hey, senorita, you like me, don't you? I knooooooooow you like me. Come here, baby!" She will be drawn to you in a matter of seconds.
Richie: There's one problem with that.
Tico: Yes, Richie?
Richie: I don't have a Speedo.
Tico: Ah, but I have an extra!

*Jon and Dave, after having one too many beers, have gone to talking about girls.*
Jon: Man, you're friend sure knows some sexy babes!
Dave: Oh yeah. What's a beach party without a hot chick or eight?
Jon: How many girls are here, anyway?
Dave: I'd say about fifty-five.
Jon: I bet I can pick up more than you can!
Dave: I betcha can't!
*Jon pulls of his shirt.*
Jon: Oh yeah?
*Dave pulls off his shirt.*
Dave: Yeah!
*Jon and Dave start shouting bad pick-up lines that could infringe on being sexual harassment at random girls.*

*Richie nervously stands on the beach in his new Speedo. His face is about as red as his Speedo is. Tico is watching Richie while whispering advice.*
Tico: Stay calm. They can sense your fear. Rember- use manly posture. But don't overdo it. Ah, here comes one, now.
*A cute girl approches Richie. Richie starts talking smoothly to her.*
Richie: Hey, baby. You like my Speedo? I knooooooooooooow you like my Speedo. Yeah!
*The cute girl smacks Richie.*
Tico: No, Richie! You have it all wrong! The Speedo does the talking- not you! That's why it's called the Call of the Speedo!

*Giving up on stupid pick-up lines. Jon and Dave go back to arguing about girls.*
Jon: Oh yeah, she's lookin' at me.
Dave: No, she's lookin' at me!
Jon: No way! She wants me!
Dave: You're dreaming.
*Jon and Dave kick sand at each other.*

*Richie finally has had success with picking up a young sweet thing named Donna. They are quietly chatting.*
Donna: So, you say you play guitar?
Richie: Yeah. I'm in a rock band.
Donna: Oh really? Is it a garage band or something?
Richie: Actually, I'm the guitarist for Bon Jovi.
Donna: Bon Jovi?! Really?! No way! You're kidding! I LOVE Bon Jovi!
Richie: Yep, that's me. In fact, I-
Donna: Tell me, is Jon Bon Jovi here?
Richie: Uh. Yeah. He's over there with-
Donna: Hey Sherri get over here!
*A tall, blonde girl scampers over.*
Sherri: Yeah, Donna?
Donna: This man plays guitar for Bon Jovi!
Sherri: AAAAAHHHHHH! I LOVE Bon Jovi! Is Jon here, too?
Donna: Yeah, he's over there. Let's go meet him.
*The girls run off leaving Richie completely chick-less.*
Richie: Damn! I was so close!

*Unbeknownst to Jon and Dave (who are still kicking sand at each other) trouble lurks in the form of two crazed women.*
Sherri and Donna: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! IT'S JON BON JOVIIIIIIIIIIII!
Jon: What the-
*Sherri leaps at Jon and grabs him. Donna takes a leap but crashes on top of Dave.*
Sherri: Oh, Jon! You're cuter than I imagined! My name is Sherri and I'm you're biggest fan! I love you, Jon!
Donna: Me next! Me next!
Dave: Excuse me miss, get offa me!
Donna: Oh, I'm sorry. Let me help you.
*Donna helps Dave up and brushes the sand off of him. After helping him, they make eye contact for the first time.*
Donna: Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar.
*Dave is about to tell her that hey is the keyboardest of Bon Jovi, but after seeing the treatment Jon is getting from Sherri, he decides against it.*
Dave: No, I don't think we've met.
*As Sherri snuggles Jon and Donna and Dave stare at each other, there is an awkward scilence. No one knows what to do next. The silence is soon broken by two familiar female voices shouting "Jon!" and "David!" Jon's girlfriend Dorothea (aka Dacki) and Dave's girlfriend April have caught their respective boyfriends "cheating" on them.*
Dacki: Jon, just what are you doing with that woman?
Jon: Dacki, it's not what it looks like! Really!
April: And just what do you think you're doing, Dave?
Dave: April, I can explain!
April: Well you'd better. I thought you said you loved me!
Dave: I do! It's just-
April: I think it's time for a talk.
*April grabs him by the ear and drags him off.*
Dacki: You too, Jon. I can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?
*Dacki grabs Jon by the ear and follows April. As soon as the two men are in whispering range, Jon quietly speaks to Dave.*
Jon: Why didn't you tell me they were comming to the party?
Dave: I didn't know they were gonna even be here.
Dacki: Save it, boys!

*Donna and Sherri stand and watch Jon and Dave being dragged away by their girlfriends.*
Sherri: So much for that.
Donna: And I didn't even get a chance with Jon.
Sherri: Bummer.
Donna: Hey wanna go back to that guitarist?
Sherri: Sure! Why not?