I dunno what it is, but I just don't like that chorus. There's something wrong with it that I can't put my finger on, and thats really annoying me. I think it has great potential, but theres just something weird there. And even worse, I can't think of any way to change it for the better. Gah. Let me have a think about this one. No offence intended by the way, it just doesn't appeal to me

Keep On Rockin'

r u guys actually writing songs for this?

i'll stick up the lyrics for the thing ive got kicking around regarding barry white dying and a couple of other ideas when i get it all down tomorrow hopefully.

it doesnt scan.....

the obnly way i can see of it getting more closely scanning is below but then i think its losing some of the meaning... which is also a bad thing.... tricky...


You can hope You can pray
But all good things have to change
It doesn't matter if you Win Or Lose
Its how you play the game today
All you try and all you say
It doesn't matter what you do
Its how you play the game...

Not if you Win Or Lose

of course... ive put a bit of a tune to it as well cause thats how i work, but in terms of scanning thats better (feel free to discard) but it might change some of the original sentiment.....

i dunno......
/me doesnt really like to comment...
sara

[quote="tawtami"]I'd add "not if you Win Or Lose" on the end of that. If you did that, that'd be a perfect verse, I think.

Adrian

it is there.... it was just a couple of lines down to emphasise the brak i hear it with when i oplay it in my head, but should only have been one line not two...
it works but id need to post the composition up to get it across fully...

kinda along the same lines as the "damn................. misunderstood" on misunderstood, but not like that if you get me... same concept...
grrr
me is probably confusing more than explaining...

Oops. Sorry! :D

Adrian

no probs! what do you think to that as an idea tho???
good?? bad???

GOOD idea! Now we need some more verses for it. hmmm....I'll work on this...

Adrian

how can the 2 of u write a song with no shared idea of a top line melody, key or rythmn?

dunno i was just reading over that and couldnt think of a rythmn to go with it so r u 2 just coming up with lyrics and making ur own interpretations of it or what?

Pretty much.... Lyrics first you know. Might not be brilliant, but it can be done

BTW, you two seem to be working well here so I'm gonna take a backseat on this one, unless you get stcuk and need me to save your asses once again! :wink:

Keep On Rockin'