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Office Activities During Boss Vacation

1. Best imitation of the boss wins everything in the supply room contest.

2. Lock-jimmying contest, immediately followed by a charity raffle of executive office furniture.

3. The battle begins for the coveted "Solitaire, Minesweeper, Tetris" Triple Crown.

4. Use boss' computer to send suggestive emails to the local chapter of NOW.

5. Visit local nude beach for daily "staff" meeting.

6. A rousing game of "Pin the Secretary's Tail on the Boss' Desk."

7. Staple that dweeb from accounting to the wall.

8. Take pictures of his favorite coffee cup in the toilet. Save for resignation day.

9. Purchasing vs. Receiving: Let's Get Ready to Rummmmbllllle!

10. Wagering on intern lip lock endurance matches in the file room.

11. "Performance reviews" given by a whimsical painted face on the shipping clerk's bare ass.

11. Convincing the boss's daughter be your intern.

Revealing Scientific Study

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected.

Watering Hole

A hyena is drinking at the watering hole one day, when he sees an elephant come for a drink. Close to the water, the elephant stops short and inspects a turtle for a few seconds. Then the elephant rears back and kicks the turtle, making it fly the better part of a mile.

The hyena asks, "What did you do that for?"

"Well," answers the pachyderm, "About 80 years ago that turtle bit my foot. Today I finally found that SOB, and paid him back."

"Eighty years! How in the name of heaven could you remember what that turtle looked like after that many years?"

The elephant replied, "I have turtle recall."