lamentations on my son.
 

The greatest personal challenge in my life is the one I am currently going through.
Late last summer my former estranged girlfriend informed me I had a 7 month old son, I would not meet my son until he was 10 months old. I have not seen my son in 3 months.
I miss him terribly. Everything I have done in my life was to be a better father and improve my life so that my kids wouldn’t have to grow up the way that I did. Now I don’t know if I will ever even get the chance to be a father to my child.

I have tried to be my son’s father but the relationship with his mother is volatile at best and she has not allowed me to see the boy since Xmas. I am unsure as to her motives, and as a result we are now in court proceedings. Somewhere I never wanted to be with my child. I am trying to have the higher ground as mudslinging and names are called. I am being accused of some heavy things that I know in my heart I have not done.

This woman has bullied me and taken from me for the last 5 years that I have known her.
I guess that it is no surprise that she is now using custody battle against me because I refused to move to ST. Catherines to be with her as I still had university to consider.

I am at a crossroads in my life as I do not know what the next door will open or what door will close. I am having trouble sleeping and eating, and all the old comforts seem meaningless. My university education is suffering from the fact that I have missed classes due to court and I have no idea where my life will take me next.

I love my son dearly and I will fight to do what’s best for him even if it means sacrificing some of my own dreams because of it. I refuse to be forced into a situation beyond my control by a woman I once loved.

I have not had the easiest of lives and I blame that partially on a custody battle when I was a child. I see that the downward spiral that became my life for many years was a result of the original custody battle between my parents. Now I am almost 30 and history repeats itself. I didn’t wish for this to happen but it has.

All I want to do is be a good father to my son and show him the world in ways in which I never even thought existed. But I am being denied that.

I am sorry to hear about your troubles sikkbones. I truly can imagine the pain and agony you must be going through.

As hard as it is, I think it shows tremendous strength in character on your part to go through custody battles and to actually WANT to be a father to your son. So many parents don't even bother.

The only thing I can say is that you have to always keep in mind what is the best for your son. Regardless of your relationship and feelings for your sons mother, or how she acts, YOU have to be doing the right thing. You have to consider what is in the best interest of your child. Mudslinging is not one of them (as you know).

I have joint custody with my ex over our son and it often is hard to be subjected to his immaturity and general meanness, but I know I cannot act like him as it just wouldn't be healthy for my son.

Don't feel bad about the fact that history seems to repeat itself. So many things are out of our control, but at least you KNOW what is the best thing to do now -- unlike your parents might have -- and you will take a different course with your son.

I truly admire you for your desire to make a difference in your sons life. Think about the long run, eventually you'll reap the rewards and enjoy watching your son growing up.

I'm really sorry to hear it all. I hope ur able to get though ur trouble time and don't give up hope, just keep battling coz at the end its all worth ur time and struggle... I hope u can re-unit with ur son soon and u dont need sarcifce ur studies for that... keep us informing...

still fighting reached settlement at court but she's blocking ordered access so it's back to court we go.

So she told you you had a son just to take him away from you...
Whatever you did to her, if you're willing to be a good dad and nothing proves you can't be, than it's the kid's best interest.
How mean and selfish can people be...

Hang in there, stay true and firm, be the bigger person and things will hopefully work out.

Ponrauil

I think that parents that use their children as bargaining tools in their personal relationships are lower than low. It not only damages the personal relationship - it will permanently **** up a kids life to know that they are only a chip to be played - not wanted or loved for who they are themselves.

Kathleen

Please, don't give up !
I don't know you but your desire to be a father for this child even if you don't live with him is apparently sincere. You can be a good father even by seing him like the judge would say.
It's very complicated and painful and very very frustrating i guess.
It could take time, this sort of procedure is long but don't give up, one day he will understand you were there for him and that you were always in his life since the beginning ! that's what counts trust me. A child needs to know his parents love him, no matter if they are together or not, far from each other etc .... just that they love him. It's important for him as a person in his future. never forget that, even if it's very difficult for you now, "keep the faith" when you're down think of him, he'll need you.

i love my son for his birthday and xmas so far i've got him who's that bird on dvd, a mike the mower toy, darth tater and spud trooper and more.