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-   -   Courtroom quotes (https://drycounty.com/jovitalk/showthread.php?t=30584)

Living_on_my_Hair 06-02-2005 01:37 PM

Courtroom quotes
 
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

some real gems here...

Quote:

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.


andi

|| Panama || 06-02-2005 04:48 PM

how come you never find these in a john grisham novel?

lol that last one nearly killed me andi!

cheers for that :D

Keba 06-02-2005 06:18 PM

I liked the oral one.

Keeper 06-02-2005 07:41 PM

Those were fabulous!! Thanks so much for posting them! :lol:

ugly_queen_from_mars 06-02-2005 08:13 PM

great! :lol: thanx

allmike 06-02-2005 08:19 PM

some of them are really funny.. Thanks for that.. :)

Kev 06-02-2005 08:21 PM

Thanks for posting. These were pretty funny! :)

Jim Bon Jovi 06-03-2005 01:38 AM

Bollocks for the most part but you'd be surprised how many practicing and ex-practicing lawyers are absolute morons of the highest calibre.

spunkywho 06-03-2005 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Bon Jovi
******** for the most part but you'd be surprised how many practicing and ex-practicing lawyers are absolute morons of the highest calibre.

why would one be surprised????? :?


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