Raising Boys and Porn
 

No, not mine. Fortunately, I am still years away before this issue will come up!

There is a huge discussion going on at work and it made me think that I might not be normal and quite possibly am about to screw up my kid for life.


Here is the deal.

Sister caught 12 year old brother looking at porn on the computer. Sister tells on brother. By the time the mother runs up there, son has deleted the history files on the computer and gotten rid of all evidence. Mother is out of her mind and doesn't know what to do. She is soliciting all sorts of net nanny and cyber snoop software, etc. Basically, she wants a way to make sure her children cannot access porn on the computer ever again.

Tons of people giving advice, everybody knowing way too much about cyber snoop software.

ONE male guy, said that controlling the environment isn't going to do much, as the kid can look at porn at a friends house, circumvent the parental controls, become sneaky and manipulative to get to porn. This guy suggested that another male person has a man-to-man talk with the kid about appropriate behavior and about the changes in the kids life.

A mother said that she talks to her kids about porn in the same manner as she talks to them about cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. (not really following her rationale).


Now, honestly, I have yet to meet a man that does not watch porn and for the most part they are all quite normal ;). They might not do it in front of their mothers, but they all do at one point or another. I used to think it is normal and not something that would make boys look at women as objects of lust (cough, cough, well any more than they already do). But apparently all the mothers here aren't even able to say the 'p' word out loud. It is always referred to as inappropriate content. :?


Anyway, I'd like to hear from the male audience what your experiences are (no, not how much porn you watch but rather how normal it is and if it corrupted your views of women) and the female members, how you feel about it and if you think it is dangerous for boys/men to watch porn.

Also, what age is ok and what is too young? I'd think that if they are curious about it, it is time to realize the kid is no longer a kid. Whether that is at 14 or 18.

Well I'm not a male Maria but I'll put my 2 cents in anyway. I raised 2 boys, the younger of whom was 13 when I got internet access at home. I never censored the internet in any way for any of my kids anymore than I have ever censored a book. Certainly both boys enjoy internet porn but neither of them are twisted perverts. The oldest is married to his long time girlfriend and the younger one has had a longtime relationship but is not yet married. Both of them work with women easily in a professional environment. I have always felt that the best way to handle any of the "forbidden" subjects is to talk about it and air it out - it becomes far less of a temptation if it can be discussed. You should have heard some of our dinnertime conversations over the years :D My daughter is 10 years younger than the boys and she grew up on those dinnertime conversations - she is a pretty savvy 15 year old.
Ultimately I say let the kid surf where he wants to and then talk-talk talk about all the ramifications of sex and where porn fits into it.

Kathleen

I don't only want to hear from the males, so your input is extremely appreciated :)



That is how I always looked at it, but the women here make it look like the kids are going to die from getting exposure to porn :? :?

Thanks for your 2 cents, Kathleen :D

I think that censorship does more harm than allowing them access because if its censored it makes it forbidden and more exciting and thus they'll look at it anyway and probably grow up thinking its evil and wrong and then they'd feel guilty for looking at it.

I've never really looked at it a lot, but even if I had it wouldn't have changed my view of women or made me see them soley as sexual objects. As long as the parents are open and discuss it and raise them properly they should respect everyone anyway.

It's just the same as blaming video games and movies for children committing violent crimes. Of course they may get ideas but they'd have to be sick and twisted to really allow that form of media to influence them, and as such it would be the parents fault for not properly educating them

Any teenage guy or girl should be left alone when discovering sexuality through porn stuff. It's not the only way nore the best way but it's one way. And there are soft porn movies that are far from disrespectful of either gender.
Of course, women are not always respected as they should be in porn films but this can be talked over and balanced with other approaches.

Also parents shouldn't think they must and can deal with this phase alone. Friends, brothers and sisters can be a great help. As long as it comes up naturally, any talk is good, but I think input from both men and women is necessary. You might still need to provoque a conversation, and then contraception and/or protection are easy subjects to start with and see how much is already known or misunderstood.

And of course, discovering by oneself is also fine.

As long as you don't put it under their noses when they're not asking for anything, or forbidding anything sex related to be seen, heard or read, the learning will happen by itself in a natural way.
Be open, supportive and responsible.

Ponrauil

I'm with Ponrauil here. Let them watch porn if they feel like it. I'm not saying the parents shouldn't have a talk with the kids, but porn isn't going to make them perverts or twisted in any way. And anyway, the forbidden fruit...

Ice

I'm with the previous posters. I don't see any harm in porn whatsoever. Porn doesn't make persons bad or perverts or something. I would feel more sad if my son felt like he had to hide stuff he's watching or reading from me.

I've been raised in a very open-minded house when it comes to sex and I've always been happy about that. Sex is such a natural thing and if people would talk about it more openly, it will stay a natural thing. Hiding, forbidding, censoring stuff makes it look like it's a bad thing and it will only become more attractive.

Porn , where would we be without it? I think its a good thing to let them see it providing its normal porn and not any of that sick stuff .
My friend came round a few weeks ago and the kids were playing and talking about different things and my mate said this is the most liberal house that hes been to . i felt quite proud!
So yes let them watch it , give them a talk to reasure them its ok but to avoid certain things as it will do harm

Oh, btw, what came in mind just now: why is the topic called raising BOYS and porn? Shouldn't this be an issue for girls as well?

Another vote for let 'em watch. Although, if catching my kid doing such one day, I would try to ease my mind making sure it's normal kind of stuff he's interested in.