Work
 

When I took on my job about a year and a half ago it was only meant to be temporary, and I wouldn't have believed it if I'd been told I'd stay that long. For reasons I won't go into now, I now can't "afford" to quit and look for something else.

I never liked my job but these days I hate it with a passion. It's not the coined sentence. I have used the sentence when I was working elsewhere and now I know I used it in vain. Now I mean every word of it.

Every day my boss enumerates all the many things I've done wrong. Or - more often than not - that she has decided I've done wrong without checking whether that is so or not. I think she decides it I've made a mistake as soon as she makes up her mind to ask me to do something. So in the end I always know I'm doing most things alright but she will never apologise for having blamed me. I'm always guilty of whatever I have (not) done but not just that: I also have to hear it when it's someone else's blunder because somewhere along the way I must have had something to do with it (if only by being born) and thus it's partly my fault too. Even when it's clearly her fault I'll be to blame.

She doesn't scream or shout or use harsh words. It's not that. It's the wear and tear of the same thing all the time.

So I have been hearing the wrong things I have done every day since I started working. Each and every day. And NOT once have I done anything worthy of an apology or a good word from my boss. (Other people have complimented me).

I can do without compliments or good words. I really can. It's only the "you have made a mistake here, here and here" that I have to hear every single day that is making me feel worse by the day.

People thing I'm a hysterical woman because I sometimes - like today - I simply despair and start crying or whatever. But I don't think I am. I bore it patiently for a very long while, it's only since last June or so that it's getting worse.

I'm not expecting anything from this message, I guess I just needed to vent. I'm having an awful day today.

i feel for you ive been there its awful when you end up hating work.
my advice to you is if the job aint in the field you want to be in then get out. if it is then try and move somewhere else within the business/industry.

if its not what you want to do anyway dont stick it out it aint worth it. i think once a job effects you negativley when you are away from it then maybe that line has been crossed?

hope you get it sorted either way.

I sympathize. I worked for a boss who took absolutely no responsiblity for any of her erros and would go out of her way to blame one of her staff. You'd almost have to feel sorry for her, having to lead us incompetent fools around by the nose. :rolleyes:

It's strange for me because I changed jobs this year. At the old one where I knew what I was doing, I was treated like I was incompetent. It was so bad that when I was having stomach cramps and getting light headed from the pain of undiagnosed gall bladder disease my boss told me she thought I wasn't emotionally healthy enough for the stress. About a month later I got a diagnosis and had surgery to remove a dying organ. I never got an apology for being accused of having a mental problem when I had a real physical problem.

In my new position, I'm doing a completely new job with no one to even ask if I'm doing it right or wrong, so I feel incompetent, but people keep telling me how glad they are that I'm here and what a great job I'm doing. It's a different world.

I hope things work out so that you can find another job soon and that it will put you in a better situation.

OMG I can rely! well sort of


When I started working as a nurse after my graduation I found a fantastic job in a regional hospital. It was heaven, I worked on neurology/psychiatry, hard, esp dealing with alcoholics/drug addicts etc, but so much fun! I worked in the team from heaven!! We were so strong and had so much fun in and out the hospital!
HOWEVER, I had the head nurse from HELL:crazyeye: !!

She always needed a black sheep. She pestered them to the point where they resigned. I never understood in those 2 months, untill 2 of them resigned and I was the next one!

She picked on me for everything! Everything that went wrong was my fault, even if I wasn't there. They days I worked (and I worked fulltime so... I worked a lot of days!) she yelled, screamed at me for EVERYTHING, even if it was dead obvious I had NOTHING and I say NOTHING to do with it!
Others forgot medication, I was the blame. Others didn't write their files, it was my fault. 2 collegues gave the wrong medication to a patient once, they called the dr and told him and asked what to do and what to observe, the next day they admitted it to the HELL head nurse and she started yelling at me for 15 minutes, how it was my fault, I always forget things, I am stupid etc etc and I wasn't even there that day!

One day I had an admission from intensive care, the man had a brain infarction and had only hours to live, I was on nightshift. We had a lot of rooms empty and the dr told me to put him in a single room so he could die in peace surrounded by his family. So said so done, but whooooooo my head nurse yelled my head off, she said that if a patient can't respond to the question which room he wants, he should be placed in a room of 4. FGS the man was dying!

Her anger was that she wanted to make me cry, but I never did in front of her. I always turned my back and went away. Told her my point of view and opinion, but never argued.

I worked there for 1 year, so had her pestering me for 10+ months. I went on holiday and 3 days before I returned I got a phonecall from the headnurse from orthopedics, saying that I was transerred to her ward. I cried! Could you believe it? I hated it! I hated the f****** head nurse but I got so much help from my collegues, so much support and we were A TEAM!! I loved the work!!! And SHE didn't even tell me in the face!

Anyways, that transfer was the best thing that happened to me:cool: ! I missed my collegues, I had sleepless nights but I knew it was the best thing that could happen. The headnurse from hell ignored me for 6 months. Then I got to do the day clinic because the nurse who worked on dai clinic got murderred by her ex husband. I got to do all new things and techniques, and one day she came to me asking me to help her with a technique!!
Now I am stubborn, but I tought what the hell, I'll show you how much I am worht! And since then we are on the same foot. I can tell her anything, ask things, vice versa.

I worked on ortho for 6 years, I then switched again, now working on the ER, ambulance and MICA. I changed because I was sick and tired of doing the same things, the LOADS of paperwork and we had NO TIME for the patients, I complained that we needed more personnel, less paperwork, more time with the patients. But they did nothing, so I left for the ER. They begged me on their bare knees to stay but I refused! Even considering I was assistant head-nurse and could take the headnurses post a few months later (adn I was studying nursing management!). But i refused to drown myself in paperwork...

I love where i am at now! Love the ER, love ambulance, love the MICA! Its stressing but you can do so much for people!

Anyways, don't let this get to you! I stranded in a depression,:cry: didn't notice it myself but I was way in deep....
Now I am the happiest woman:bday: !!

Hugs and take care!!

LeEnTjE

Well, thank you all so much for your replies. I know it's cold comfort but it's "good" to see others have gone through the same.

Lee, it's definitely not what I want but I can't quit now. Believe me, today I would have resigned a thousand times and no looking back. But I can't.

Well, then they must be twin sisters separated at birth. I always feel like telling my boss that if I'm causing so many problems be my guest and throw me out. Why won't she? Oh, because after all I'm taking work off her hands and saving her time, however hard she tries to make it look the opposite.

Neither do I let my boss see how her words and attitude sting. I keep arguing my case to get her to see it's not my fault/it was rightly done but I'm getting tired and soon I think I will just nod and get it over with. It's just as useless.

And to make matters worse while I was writing this I have received an e-mail from her...

And what did it say?

I've had the same, btw - especially with the boss I had prior to this one. Still have in a way. I decided not to care about that anymore and just do my job my way. Everyone else is seeing I'm good at what I do and if he fails to do so, it's his problem. I won't let him make it my problem anymore.

I left my last employer because I hated the mood & my collegeaus. I had to take a big pay-cut (€750) so I could work somewhere else (wich I'm leaving at end of month)

Anyway never regretted that choice. I have to be at work at least 40 hours a week (most of time +50). If not in a fun and relaxing enviroment it means most of my time I'm at a place I don't want to be...
So IMO it's always 1st: a nice place to work 2nd: financial bit (providing having the same responsibilty at both jobs)

She asked something I had already said.

I have tried to take it less seriously in the past. It works for a few days then I go back to where I started. I know I'm being silly in a way, but I just can't help it.

I don't think you are silly at all, Keeper. Work has such a tremendous impact on our lives - as a whole - that none of it is silly at all.

I do, however, think that you need to do a very serious overhaul and take a very very critical look at yourself on how you conduct yourself at work and how you interact with this woman.

In no way do I think you did things wrong or make mistakes that would warrant a reaction from a boss like those (because we all make mistakes), but something about you empowers that woman to turn into a bitch and treat you like an inferior object. Something about you lets her do this to you.

Since you stated you can't change jobs, you will have to change your interactions with her. Don't change your attitude, cause attitudes are feelings and to say 'don't feel bad' or 'get over it' is ridiculous. You are not really in charge of your feelings and emotions - they ARE you. You are, however, in charge of how you handle situations.

There are a lot of things you can do to take the wind out of her sails from the getgo. None of them will please her or make her like you more. However, you'll be able to say: 'she's a bitch and I make her admit it'.

:)

I like to say that 'I've grown up sooooo much at work over the years of my career and I do know that some men would label me as a bitch. I have no problem with that. I know I am not a bitch. After all, if a guy acts like I do, he is called a 'great business man', if a woman does, she is a bitch. Means nothing to me as long as I get what I want. Usually that means EQUALITY. In fact, I had one male boss tell me that I am too intimidating. Which made me laugh cause anyone who has ever worked with me on a peer level and/or knows me will call me anything but intimidating. It's the people who bully that can't take it when someone stands up for themselves and the entire team and lets the air out of their inflated egos that find me intimidating.

Anyway. Without knowing the exact issues, I can only tell you what to do in general ways.

If she gives you a list of tasks, make sure you write down what exactly and how exactly she wants it done. Ask many questions and re-iterate (ad nauseum) that you need to know EXACTLY what she wants in order to deliver. After all, we don't want another litany of 'errors' or 'mistakes'. Be proactive.

If she emails you with questions you have already answered. Make sure you follow up each and every question with an email, answering AGAIN and letting her know that you 'just wanted to clarify the earlier conversation to ensure a smooth and efficient execution of the project'. Whenever she asks the same question again, answer politely and attach the previous email where you already explained it earlier. Explain briefly and end with 'I've attached the email discussing this issue with you x weeks/days ago for more detail'. CC her boss. :)

If she pisses you off to the point where you feel like crying. Gather yourself, wait a day, then knock on her door and tell her you have to discuss somethign with her. Call her out. Tell her that you do not appreciate her tone and tell her you are there to give her the opportunity to openly discuss any and all issues she may have with your work or yourself. Make it positive. Tell her that you need more clarification as to what exactly her problems are as you sense that there might be something but it seems that she isn't comfortable to 'just come out and say it'. Tell her that one of your main objectives is 'open and honest communication'. Usually that is a 'core value' in any company and, thus, in the spirit of following company values, you feel it is necessary to have a talk.

I realize that this might be hard to do. Like I said, I had to grow up at work. Especially as females we don't like confrontations and we just want a good climate. Unfortunately, some of us and them (men) don't share that same philosophy.

I know it'll be hard and you'll tell me you can't do that for xyz reasons. But you can. Take little steps. It'll get easier and easier to get into those offices and tell them what you want and make them give it to you. :)

Thank you for your answer, Spunky! :)

I do that. Always. When I first started I did believe my memory was so bad that I kept forgetting. Nowadays, I write everything down, even the most stupid things - word for word just to make sure I will not forget a single thing. And I ask lots of questions on how she wants things to be done. But when I follow her instructions and something goes wrong then no matter I know - and say very clearly - that I did exactly as I was told - it's my fault.

I'm not saying I don't make mistakes myself - I'm not perfect - and I wouldn't mind those being enumerated. It's just when it's clearly her fault that gets on my nerves. Her fault or someone else's. Or nobody's, which is a concept she doesn't understand. It always has to be someone at fault. Hence, I'm the perfect candidate most of the time.

Can't. She's the absolute boss. It's a small company and there's no one above her.

Might be. But I'm not alone there. She blames everyone. Only other people have less contact with her, so her list of faults is only temporary. I see her every day for hours and I have to put up with that. For other people it's a short telephone conversation, for me it's a long work day.

I will try to put to good use what you mentioned, but it's not easy - not because I'm not willing to try, though I'm very shy and sometimes will not say the things I should - but because whenever I've gathered up the courage to point something out to her - it has simply bounced off her back onto me.

And I feel I must say she does have her good points too. It's only the constant fault-finding and blaming that makes me mad. And there are whole days of it, like yesterday, when it never seems to stop when I just can't stand it anymore.