Jovitalk - Bon Jovi Fan Community - Christmas carols for the disturbed

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Christmas carols for the disturbed

In light of the discussion about counselors and therapists - I offer the following:

"CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED"

* 1. Schizophrenia --- "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- "We Three Kings 'Disoriented' Are"

* 3. Dementia --- "I Think I'll be Home for Christmas"

* 4. Narcissistic --- "Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me"

* 5. Manic --- "Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and . . . . . . . "

* 6. Paranoid --- "Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me"

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- "Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire"

* 8. Personality Disorder --- "You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why"

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- "Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?"

*10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - - - "Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, . . . "

Kathleen

My favorite Christmas "forward" ever!

I'm tempted to change MPD to DID when I send it out though which probably say something about my OCD. ;) One year Susan and I were bored at work and we added to it, but I can't find our list. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by Becky (Post 712508)

Well I just got it and thought it was funny as hell. I seldom post jokes but this one seemed appropriate LOL.

Kathleen

i have OCD

it aint funny

Funny Kathleen ~ thanks for sharing!

Thery are great Thanks Kathleen :)

LOL. These *are* funny :D

:lol: Loved it! The last one reminded me of myself when I was a child. I spent the whole Christmas time singing "We wish you a merry Christmas" (just that sentence) :oops:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kathleen (Post 712497)

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- "Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?"

Kathleen

As someone with Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder, I find this so so so funny. Great post.

Oh Kathleen, those are great!

Did you ever see the Saturday Night Live "Dysfuntional Family Christmas Album" skit? It's like a Time-Life coommercial . . .

Quote:

Dysfunctional Family Christmas

Announcer: It's that time of year, when families get together to reopen old feelings. And Silver Bell Records is proud to present a Dysfunctional Family Christmas. This is the album your family is sure to cherish for Christmases to come.

[ SUPER: "Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)" ]

Dad: [ singing ]
"Christmastime, you force a smile
Everyone is joining in the group denial
Folks behaving infantile
Family Christmastime."

Announcer: Hit after dysfunctional hit. Songs like "The Almost Perfect Christmas":

Female Chorus: "Dinner is perfect, the presents are perfect
The tree and the parlors are perfect fun."

Male Chorus: "Then your brother, yells at your mother."

Altogether: "Christmas is ruined for everyone."

Announcer: Get timeless hits like "Someday I'll Get Christmas Right", "I've Got My Drinking Under Control For The Holidays", "Peace On Earth? Where?", and "The Daughter Song":

Female Chorus: "Presents and wrapping paper
Ribbons and bows and all that stuff.
Why do we even bother?
Nothing we get you is good enough!"

Announcer: And this country Christmas classic:

[ SUPER: "Ballad of the Co-Dependent" ]

Dad: "Every Christmas when you got drunk
I told the children you were not drunk.
And I said, "Tommy, you're not being bad,
It's just Christmas makes your Mommy mad."

Announcer: You'll get "Cant' You Let It Drop, It's Christmas", "What I Want You Can't Buy Me", "Fruitcake And Shame", and "Why Am I The Only One Who Knows What Christmas Really Means?" And many more.

[ SUPER: "Why Am I Here? (The 'Pretty' Song)" ]

Mom: "Underneath the mistletoe
Is a 2x2 jingle bell world.
And underneath all those extra pounds
is a very pretty girl."

[ SUPER: "Runny Funny Daddy" ]

Kids: "Daddy's nose is red and runny
Daddy's voice is rough and funny.
And the only words I can understand
are 'God' and 'Damn' and 'Christmas'".

Announcer: Just imagine - 24 timeless standards, including the classic "Carol Of Intimacy":

Son: "Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!
"Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!
"Leave me alone! Please go away!
I'm doing fine! Just get away!"

[ SUPER: "DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY CHRISTMAS - $19.95 - 1-800-GET-HELP" ]

Announcer: To order, call 1-800-GET-HELP tpday. Operators are standing by

When I was in college, "Let's Pretend We Like Each Other (This Christmas)" was like our family's theme song. . . but for some reason my Dad never saw the humor in it. :rolleyes: