Writer.. need opinions
 

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Pretty good, but it's kinda repetitive. Maybe you should add a different angle in some point, some optimism (a la Bon Jovi) or some hatered. Now it seems like you've given up and are content on being the sad one.

Overall I like the second paragraph more, but I still would add something to the poem, for it not to come out as whiny.

Ice

Thanks. Yeah I agree it is whiny. People always tell me I'm over emotional. So I agree with that 100 % ... 200 % even . But I look at it this way. I'm a writer and if I wasn't as over emotional as I am at times I couldn't write. I don't mean to say that all writers have to be so emotional. Some just tend to be more then others. But you know what I mean. haha


I just got myself out of a very bad situation. A situation where I was ignorant enough to let myself be treated that way for five years. Man if you knew all of the awful things I had thrown at me , believe me you would understand why the poem is so whiny.


But anyway thanks for the response. Your right it does need a little bit more fixing up and improving. I'll work a little more on it.

I'm not saying it shouldn't be emotional, just that maybe you'd need to step out of your "box" for a minute and see the situation from another point of view. Sometimes you see things differently then.

I find it easier the write about thing that have happened to me in the third person. Then you have the ability to change some things, and maybe try to be more objective, or if you want, subjective.

Just a suggestion anyway.

Ice

Cool ... Thanks :flasings: