Would you marry someone who didn't have a job?
 

Just something that came up in conversation today. I was curious what other people's thoughts are.

Personally, I wouldn't marry anyone I'd have to support.

Completely depends on the person's circumstances.

I wouldn't marry.....end of story :mrgreen:

So is not having a job a permanent, irreversible condition of human existence? Maybe everyone should wear some sort of arm band saying 'unemployed' and they should be all avoided like the pest. Why not put them in labour camps actually???

Honestly Becky, that statement is so wrong at so many levels that I am just not sure how one could take it serious.

Have to say I agree with you here.

Correct answer. My brother got married last year and works as a support assistant in the same school I'm currently teaching in. Earlier in the week one of our colleagues mentioned something about being married in front of both of us then gasped, turned to me and said "sorry, I didn't mean to bring up a sore point."

At which point I went "Why would me not being married be a sore point? Me and the girlfriend are planning a massive cruise next year while my brother is planning a pregnancy" My opinion may change down the line but I'm totally against the idea of getting married for being married / society's sake. I'm happy the way things are just now as is my girlfriend so why get married just because our friends are / people expect us to?

As a wedding DJ who sees a lot more weddings and newlyweds than your average couple I'd actually take it a step further and say with new civil laws which give a lot more legal rights to long term partners and cohabiting couples, exactly how would me getting married tangibly change my life in any way except leaving me with a hangover, a lot less money and my girlfriend with a new surname?

But I digress.

As someone else said, it would totally depend on the circumstances.

If someone was a wastrel with no history or prospect of meaningful future employment then chances are they're not the kind of person I'd be interested in dating anyway so the marriage situation would never arise.

If it was someone I'd been seeing for a length of time, had lost their job, was in between jobs or something similar then by all means IF I wanted to get married (see above :) ) then yeah I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Whilst I don't agree with Becky's blanket statement I can see her point and I don't think she's being portrayed very fairly here. Unless I'm mistaken, she's not saying unemployed folk are worthless / not worthy to marry etc... but the practicalities and long term reality of being married and having to fully support someone would lead to a lot of resentment I'm sure no matter how much money you were earning.

mmm...me too. It shouldn't matter, as long as the love is there.

That is what I'm saying. I can imagine how much I'd resent after a while it if I married an able-bodied person who just refused to get a job and help pay the bills. It would eventually become a point of contention.

My brother is involved with a woman who sits on her ass and does nothing all day long while he supports her. She'll get a job and hold it for about 2 days and then decide she doesn't like it because she's actually having to lift a finger. To me, not working when you are able-bodied and have bills to pay and a kid (her kid, not his) to support is just sorry.

That's what I thought you were getting at Becky.

I've just finished reading the Wolf of Wall Street and even though that guy had enough money tan he could ever burn through, I'm pretty sure he still saw it as HIS money SHE was spending when his wife went on sprees.

I can only imagine the resentment being excaserbated when you don't have limitless funds to piss away on your feckless spouse.

I caught a bit of one of these home buying reality shows a while ago and this womanchild was having strops and tantrums because she couldn't find her perfect home (which off the bat the presenter / expert had told her was being totally unrealistic) and it got to the point where the husband had to step in on national TV and say words to the effect of: This is MY money so I will be deciding what house we buy. At that point I thought - that man has been sitting on an outburst like that for years.

+1

Exchange DJ with playing in a band as a side gig and this reads like something I could write....

Depends on circumstances I guess.
My wife hasn't worked since our second child was born 8 yrs ago.
There's simply no need for her to do so....
I earn enough to support the family and we have spare money at the end of every month. Am I bothered by this??? Nope....

Also, if she was out working as well as me then nothing would get done at home - washing, cleaning, cooking, not to mention the cost of child care outside of school hours.

My girlfriend is jobless (she's 21) and I don't mind. I love her, and if she and I would get married a few years later, it wouldn't matter whether she has a job or not. I love her, that's all that matters. <3

Aloha !

Sure it is, buddy. Let's see what it's like once you've been working for a few years and haven't been able to spend any money on things for yourself because you've "had" to spend it all on your beloved girlfriend. The love you've got for her will make room for the frustration she creates as your own comfortable life has come to an end.

Many many years ago I had a girlfriend who refused to work in the weekends she was off from school, yet still thought I was the one who was supposed to work for our days out as "I clearly could afford it". Mind you, I was in school as well, yet worked 2 to 3 days a week at the same time. Once I told her I kind of expected her to bring in some money her attitude towards this quickly changed, as the money she worked for "was her money".

Yeah...

I still don't mind working and paying for things when a significant other doesn't have or can't get a job, and I love buying a girl gifts. But I do expect something in return at the same time (cleaning or cooking etc.). This might sound disrespectful towards women, but I feel it's disrespectful towards men to expect them to pay for your holidays and nights out when you spend your days watching TV while I'm at work. That's just not what society is supposed to be like, it should be going both ways.

Salaam Aleikum,
Sebastiaan

Well, of course she'd have to do most of the chores in the house if she and I live together and I'd have a job that pays well enough for both of us. It wouldn't be fair if she did nothing while I'd have a job and have to do all the work. But I know she's not like that, so that's something I don't really worry about. But if she'd have a job and I'd be jobless, of course I'd at least do most of the chores in the house. Of course things have to be divided fair.

I don't think expecting a girl to do chores if she has no job while you do have one is disrespectful. It's perfectly fair to expect that. If one person in a relationship has a job and the other one hasn't, of course the jobless one should do most chores at home. And if both people have a job that takes about an equal amount of time per week, the chores should be divided between the two.

Sorry if you misunderstood my point. I just said I love her, whether she would have a job or not, I didn't say anything about chores in the house. Of course those should be divided in a way that makes things fair for both people in a relationship.