Rock Music Menu: Gaze into Cush’s crystal ball
By ANDREW CUSHMAN,
acushman@delcotimes.com January 03, 2003
It just isn’t right to start off a year in the column-writing business without penning the oh-so-predictable predictions column.
So, I broke out Cush’s crystal ball, and here’s what I see for the year 2003:
Heartthrob-singer Enrique Iglesias splits with tennis bombshell Anna Kournikova and subsequently gets whatever woman he wants. Then he’ll get tired of that gal, and get whoever he wants again. He’ll then dump that girl and get whoever he wants. I hate Enrique Iglesias.
Canadian punk-popster Avril Lavigne, whose debut set "Let Go" scorched up the charts on the strength of hit singles "Complicated" and "Ska8er Boi," has much-publicized trouble with her follow-up. In fact, I’d give 5-to-1 odds that Lavigne herself doesn’t write more than half the songs on her next album.
Here’s a band you will hear more about this year: The Ataris.
Unless he gets back into jigga mode, Jay-Z is going to fall off the map. He needs to get back to rapping and stay away from the Usher-Puff-Daddy-R&B flava slop.
Puddle of Mudd exceeds expectations with a career-solidifying follow-up to their triple-platinum debut album, "Come Clean."
I don’t know why, but I’ve got a gut feeling that 311’s next album will be a raving success.
Rock’s fresh faces, The Vines, The Hives and The Strokes continue their respective ascensions to stardom.
While I love her piano playing, I think Vanessa Carlton will take a step back while songstress Michelle Branch will follow her recent Santana collaboration --- "The Game of Love" --- with a critically acclaimed set.
Here’s a band you should listen to more often --- The Jurassic Five.
Remember the name Vivian Green --- trust me. She’s from Philly and she’s got skills.
Pearl Jam and Bon Jovi will slug it out all year in the battle for the highest-grossing concert tour.
Despite a reunion performance at their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum induction in March, The Police will not get back together.
Bashing the Osbournes, both the hit television show and the family itself, will become a trendy "in" thing.
More movies molded after Eminem’s "8 Mile" are coming to theaters near you. None, however, will be as good.
Electronica-newcomers Dirty Vegas, who found a little success with catchy single "Days Gone By," had their day and it went by.
With Kelly Rowland getting out from Beyonce Knowles’ big-bootied shadow doing her own thing with Nelly --- there will be a lot of tension between the gals of Destiny’s Child, if not a breakup.
Speaking of Nelly, he’ll announce his engagement to Rowland by 2004.
Since we’re on the topic of marriage, while the world waits for them to fall on their faces, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck will remain happily wed through ’03.
Expect the Red Hot Chili Peppers to hit the road to amazing reviews and sold-out arenas nationwide.
While 2002 wasn’t as kind as previous years, I look for Britney Spears to come back with a new album, less clothing and a new movie not half as bad as her debut, which was so forgetable I had to look up the title --- "Crossroads."
It’s going to be difficult, especially with the success of "Rock Steady," but No Doubt’s next album will be their best yet. This band just seems to be peaking.
Trashy-trampster Christina Aguilera will continue to enrage parents and conservative types with outrageous outfits and sex-filled magazine covers and pictorials --- maybe even one with Playboy.
The already tiresome Justin Timberlake continues to put his solo career before the good of his group ’N Sync,while bandmate Joey Fatone continues his run at an acting career. These endeavors hurt the band’s chemistry and keep tabloid headline writers busy with rumors of a breakup.
The over-under on Bobby Brown arrests is three. For those of you scoring at home, I’ll take the over.
Foo Fighters will finally get the respect they deserve.
Alicia Keys’ next album will not be as successful, while her neo-soul nemesis India.Arie will step up her game with a dynamic funk-filled set.
One thing I’ll guarantee, the Beastie Boys’ new album will be the bomb.
Look for some court trouble for Good Charlotte and let’s throw in Missy Elliot, too. She attracts too much attention and sometimes that leads to legal trouble.
I think the stock of the Queens of the Stone Age will continue to rise while some of the lesser punk and pop rock bands will fall by the wayside.
Who knows what’s going to happen with Michael Jackson and the rest of the wackiest family in America -- the Jacksons. Let’s figure MJ weasels out of his legal trouble, Janet stays pretty quiet until the end of the year when she announces she’s pregnant and LaToya and Tito take over tabloid headlines when they give each other new heads for Christmas.
I know it won’t happen in 2003, but how long will it take for Michael Jackson’s kids to turn up on a milk carton?
I have a good feeling things could break real big for spunky gal-group The Donnas.
Better get in line now for Shania Twain concert tickets.
Coldplay continues to carve its niche, just a notch below superstardom.
Aside from Janet, someone else is going to have a baby. My initial intuition screamed No Doubt front Gwen Stefani (she just got married, and being 33, that biological clock keeps on ticking). But after another gander into the crystal ball, it may be Jewel or Sheryl Crow.
Ready to capitalize on the Axl Rose meltdown, original Guns N’ Roses bandmates Slash, Duff McKagan, Izzy Stradlin and Matt Sorum hit the road playing GNR classics under a new moniker.
Axl Rose will finally release his long-awaited album "Chinese Democracy." No, really, it will hit the shelves by 2004. Subsequently, no one will buy it.
If I were a betting man, I’d say at least three of the following stars get arrested this year: Suge Knight, Master P, Wu-Tang Clan’s Old Dirty Bastard and/or Masta Killa, Kid Rock, Fred Durst, Nas, Slick Rick, Lil’ Romeo, the Vines’ Craig Nicholls, Oasis singer Liam Gallagher, Scarface, Eminem or Marilyn Manson.
Jane’s Addiction’s summer release, "Hypersonic," will hit the charts hard and get fans clamoring for a tour from Perry Farrell and Co.
Ditto Dashboard Confessional.
After ending the mutually-agreed-to hiatus, Phish will regroup and embark on a major tour, which will not gross the most money, but will generate astronomical attendance figures.
Just like before when people claimed club/techno was dead, I look for Fatboy Slim to get people dancing once again.
I’d wager that the slate of concerts brought to our area will not be nearly as good as last year.
And for my final prediction, I foresee a few major music-industry deaths this year. I think we’re going to lose Johnny Cash, David Crosby and Joey Bishop, the last remaining member of the Rat Pack. My crystal ball also shows the funeral of a member of the Rolling Stones or Aerosmith, although who was a little fuzzy.
Unfortunately, because I hate death and violence -- unless it’s in a Bruce Willis movie --- I also see a major car wreck taking out an upcoming star.
As Dick Clark would say, have a rockin’ New Year.
Guarini fans still love their 'Idol' runner-up And the results are * Justin Guarini, Justin Guarini, Justin Guarini. After asking which music industry star you would want to spend New Year's Eve with, I got hundreds of e-mails from Sharon Hill to Seattle nominating "American Idol" runner-up and Doylestown native Justin Guarini. Apparently, my question got posted on a Guarini fan club Web site. All this over a kid who finished second?
Just wondering * I gave you my predictions, but I want to know what you foresee in the Year 2003. So, my faithful readers, I was just wondering what you think will happen in the next 353 days? Just e-mail me at
acushman@delcotimes.com with your answers and I'll report them in next week's column
01-06-2003, 06:20 AM
